Moments
by codexfawkes
Summary: Pre-Rayne to Rayne drabbles between/during episodes and beyond, building Rayne in cannon. "She is trying to define role within new familial unit. Defining parameters for involvement, Jayne needed assistance, she is providing." River explained.


Moments

By CodexFawkes

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss is Boss. Also in later chapters The Notorious Salad of Doom and To my Valentines are owned by SJ Tucker, Crazy Girl by the Eli Young Band and Bert the Farting Hippo by CBS and the folks at NCIS.

Pre-Rayne to Rayne drabbles between/during episodes and beyond, building Rayne in cannon.

**Order out of Chaos**

Jayne walked into the cargo bay ready to get in a good workout only to see the moon-brained girl sitting on his weight bench. She was wearing one of those fluttery over-sized dresses her brother'd gotten her. The bare foot of her left leg was flat on the bench her chin resting on her knee. Her right leg was pointed in a different direction entirely. Her calf laying crosswise on the bench, her foot and knee sticking off the sides and her left leg was in front of the right holdin it close to her. 'Sure is a bendy lil thing.' He thought to himself with a leer. Shaking off the inappropriate thoughts about lil' crazy he strode forward to tell her to get off his bench when, without looking up from the tangle of twine she was trying to unwind, River stood gracefully and relocated to a crate some twelve feet away.

Shrugging Jayne went to his bench and began his workout ignoring the quiet girl. About forty five minutes later Jayne put down his weights and decided to get in some sit ups. Jayne had been cutting down on them lately, ever since the attachment he hooked his feet to had snapped and he didn't have the supplies to fix it correctly. He lay on the cool floor and started his first set, trying to keep his feet flat on the floor. Cursing under his breath Jayne struggled through a few sit ups. All of a sudden Jayne felt a warm, soft weight settle on his feet and against his legs. Crazy girl was, for some reason sitting on his feet. He opened his mouth to ask what the gorram hell she was doin when she spoke. "Provide proper leverage for attempted physical exertion, please continue." She told him. Jayne hesitated for a moment before grunting his assent to her idea and went back to his work out.

River had completed untangling the first bundle of twine and had moved on to a second, keeping herself occupied while Jayne worked out. They sat in amiable silence each working away at their chosen task when Simon entered the cargo bay. "River, what are you doing?" he asked in that slow way that showed he'd caught her doing something he didn't like. "Bringing order to chaos." She responded not taking her eyes of the twine. "No, that isn't what I meant. What I mean is, why are you sitting on Jayne's feet?" Simon asked baffled. "Providing service, acting as counter weight." River replied. "And what has he offered as payment for this…service?" Simon asked caustically glaring down at Jayne. "Nothing offered, nothing asked. Ge ge has a dirty mind." River said sending a glare his way before turning her gaze back to the tangle of twine. "Did you ask her to do this?" Simon wanted to know. "Nope, just come over and made herself comfortable." Jayne answered. "Mei mei, what made you do this?" he asked distraught. "Mountain out of mole hill Simon. She is trying to define role within new familial unit. Defining parameters for involvement, Jayne needed assistance, she is providing." River explained. Simon stared open mouthed at his sister for a long moment. "River, the crew isn't our family. Mother and Father back on Osiris are our family." Simon told her. "Genetic parental units unworthy of titles. Signed forms allowing 'procedures deemed necessary.' Didn't ask, didn't question, ignored pleas for help, disowned Simon for not being obedient drone, didn't want to know what was happening to her, didn't care. Ostrich's with heads in the sand. No loyalty warranted." River all but growled in response. Simon instinctively took a step backward at the venom in her voice. "But, that still doesn't make the crew family." He said weakly. "Be gone before someone drops a house on you too." River snapped glaring at him. Simon held up his hands in surrender and left the cargo bay.

"How's a bitty thing like you gonna drop a house on anybody?" Jayne asked after a minute. "Is from a book. Wicked witch went squish when tornado dropped a house on her. Good witch threatened bad witches sister with same fate." River told him. "Helluva way ta die, squished under a house." Jayne said with a chuckle. "Alright girlie, you can get up now." He said. River stood and returned to her crate while Jayne moved to the chin up bars. "So what's got you thinkin we're all gonna be your family?" Jayne asked curious. "Makes sense, Serenity home is mother, provides love and comfort. Mal paternal authority figure, issues orders and gives caring. Zoe and Wash strong noble aunt and funny irreverent uncle, likely to be stern then slip a piece of candy. Inara, elegant older sister, role model. Kaylee playful sister, games and practicality. Simon protective brother, Book wise grandfather willing to indulge and chastise. Jayne reluctant step child, somewhat separate but because wants to be. Still part of the family, but on his own terms. River, crazy little sister, broken by the blue trying to reassemble the pieces. Order out of chaos." She explained. Jayne stared at her for a long moment considering her take on things before turning his back and resuming his workout.

**The Little Things**

Jayne sat at the table waiting for dinner to be dished up with a scowl. It'd been a lousy day. First he'd been shot, and then the damn doc drugged him, makin 'im babble like a fool afore passin out. Then Mal'n Zoe'd gotten all noble, giv'n back the goods and the money an now Niska were gonna be lookin for 'em. Not ta mention no coin meant no trim when they hit dirt side in a couple a days. Jayne ate mechanically, brooding over his dinner of barely edible protein. Must'a been the doc's turn to cook, man was a damn menace. Only decent thing on the table were the rolls left over from Book's cookin the night before an only enough a them for one a piece. Jayne felt a small movement to his right and with a quick flash of white there were two rolls on his plate. He looked over at River in surprise realizing she'd given him her dinner roll. Jayne's mouth fell open in surprise as she nodded at him with a grin then turned back to her dinner like nothing happened. He turned back to his own meal suppressing a smile.

A few days later found them back on Greenleaf for a job and everyone had something to do except River. Bored she wandered up to the bridge where Wash was playing with his dinosaurs. River stepped onto the bridge, giggling at the pilots antics. "Hey kiddo, so you caught me huh? Well now I'm going to have to bribe you to keep my secret. What will you have as your forfeit madam?" Wash asked with a grin. "She could play too. Amusing the girl would be a good excuse." River suggested shyly. "A devious and diabolical plan indeed and practically guaranteed for success since Mal had no hand in its inception." Wash agreed handing her a raptor. River snickered, accepting the dinosaur and moving it across the console. "She had dinosaurs at home. Used to borrow Simon's solider toys and play Brown coats vs. Purple bellies. She had Brown riding dinosaurs, decimated Purple line. River was Brown, Simon was Purple. He had nothing to repel her Paleolithic transportation. Dinosaurs and Independents squished Alliance every time." River told him. "Imagine a sweet Core girl like you taking up for the Independents, Mal would be beaming. Personally I like the part where my wife rides a dinosaur. So why'd you take up for the Independents side?" Wash asked curious. "Freedom." She replied simply. Wash looked into brown eyes wise beyond her years and nodded his understanding.

"She backs you as leader of This Land." River said in a gruff voice that for some reason reminded him of Jayne as she marched her raptor over to the T-Rex. "See Stegosaur, even now your people flock to my side." The T-Rex crowed. "My sweet little Rivtor, how could you turn your back on me?" the stegosaurus cried pitifully. With growly chomping noises River made the raptor pounce on the neck of the T-Rex. "The betrayer himself betrayed!" she exclaimed in the same gravelly voice. Wash made the stegosaurus join in the fray and soon the T-Rex lay unmoving on its side. "Returned peace to This Land, now to find warrior woman and make her queen." River said in her raptor voice. "Can't say as I object to that." Zoe drawled from behind them. Wash and River turned to see Zoe leaning against the door frame. "Caught us, must pay forfeit. What does she demand as payment?" River asked exchanging a grin with Wash. "What did he pay you?" Zoe asked with a gentle smile. "Participation." River said holding up the raptor. "Pretty good deal, not even the Captain's allowed to touch the dinos." Zoe told her a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Mal's not allowed to touch much of anything up here." Wash commented. "She will pay forfeit." River said stepping forward and presenting the raptor to Zoe, who took it with sparkling eyes. "And leave you to collect." She finished wagging her eyebrows toward Wash comically. Zoe burst out laughing at the expression on Rivers face, making the girl grin as she slipped out of the room. "Should I be jealous? Cause you used to only laugh like that for me." Wash's teasing voice followed her down the corridor as Zoe laughed.

River danced into her bunk, stopping abruptly when she saw a small white bag sitting on her pillow. River cautiously opened the bag and peered in only to find a large handful of candied pineapple. A slow pleased smile spread across her face as she reached in and took a piece placing it in her mouth, her eyes sliding closed as she savored the rare treat. Tucking the rest away she danced off to help Kaylee with dinner.

Late that night Jayne climbed down into his bunk, yawning as he went. He toed off his boots and pulled off his t-shirt, tossing it into the dirty clothes pile. Jayne stumbled to a surprised stop next to his bed, gazing down at his pillow. There in the center sat a small pile of candied pineapple and a slip of paper with 'Thank you' written on it. Jayne popped one of the treats into his mouth, smiling around the sweetness glad his gift had not only been appreciated but understood.

**Partners in Crime**

After the close call with the Reaver survivor and the interference of the Alliance, Mal made sure they spent a couple of weeks in the deep black. By the time they were a day out from Dyton even Wash was looking forward to being dirt side. At dinner Simon decided to broach the subject of leaving the ship. "Captain, I was hoping that while planet side I could venture into town to procure some supplies." Simon told him. "Well now Doc, seein as it wasn't so very long ago you were clingin to the hull of my ship prayin the Alliance didn't look too hard, may just be you should keep layin low for a spell." Mal replied slowly. "I appreciate the concern; however it is rather imperative I have these supplies." Simon tried again. "Well seein as it's so all fired imperative, make up a list and I'll make sure I get your supplies before we meet our contact." Mal offered with a smirking grin. "Yes thank you that is certainly an acceptable alternative." Simon agreed nodding. "Simon!" River hissed softly. "Mei mei, there's no reason…" Simon began. "Said will ask Kaylee, _in private_." River interrupted.

"Hang on there little bit, this is my boat and I aim to know everything that happens on it. Specially if it's involvin someone needing medical supplies." Mal said sternly. River buried her face with a whimper. "Not happening." She groaned. Inara and Zoe exchanged a look of understanding. "Sir, maybe in this particular case you could let River deal with Kaylee. Sounds kinda personal." Zoe suggested earning a grateful look from River. "There ain't nothin personal on my gorram boat." Mal declared figuratively digging his heels in. "Now Doc, what's this all about?" he demanded. "Well…" Simon said hesitantly realizing that every female at the table was glaring at him in warning. "My boat, my rules." Mal said in a low threatening voice that brought another distressed whimper from River who had curled herself up into a ball on her seat and buried her face in the knees. "Captain…" Book tried but was silenced by a glare. "Waitin Doc." Mal said looking back at Simon. "Well, I discovered that among the things done to my sister at the Academy, they were giving her hormone inhibitors to reverse the effects of puberty. As the drugs worked their way out of her system, I knew logically that normal function would resume but I find myself rather unprepared in predicting when her menses would resume. As such, I do not have an adequate supply of products for her to utilize in the future." Simon answered painfully.

River was hiding her face, while the other women were glaring at Simon and Mal. Wash, Book and Jayne were staring industriously at their plates while the captain himself simply looked confused. "Huh?" he asked stupidly. "Hell Mal, even I got that one." Jayne said uncomfortably. Inara heaved a long suffering sigh and leaned over to whisper in Mal's ear. Mal turned bright red as she sat back rolling her eyes and silence descended on the table. "Well then," Mal said awkwardly. "I'll uh…just let Zoe handle that." He declared not looking up from his plate. River suddenly jumped up from her place and fled the room the words "Boys suck!" echoing after her. A moment later the three female crew members stood as one. "I'm with River, boys suck." Zoe said caustically before leading the others out of the room.

A few days later, after the job was done and they were back in the black, Jayne found River sitting on his weight bench. "What are you doin Moony?" he asked walking over to her. "Plotting, must punish Simon. Would he like to help?" she asked contemplatively looking up at him. "What, like a prank 'er somethin?" he asked scratching the back of his neck. "Yes, help me invent and carry out appropriate punishment." River offered. Jayne grinned at the thought of gettin one over on the uppity Core boy. "Hell yeah girlie, I'm in." he agreed with a laugh. "Meet her in the lounge after dinner, plotting will commence then." She told him with a devious smile. "Why not now?" Jayne asked confused. As soon as the words left his mouth they heard Mal yelling for him. "That's why." She said walking away.

Later they sat in the lounge on opposite ends of the couch brain storming. "Could force feed his own cooking." River suggested. "Could strip 'im naked an stick him in Kaylee's bunk." Jayne offered. "Would hurt Kaylee and they'd have to see him naked." She countered causing Jayne to nod in agreement as he shuddered at the thought of a naked Simon. "She and Kaylee could kiss in front of Simon, he'd be horrified." River said smiling. A slow heated grin spread across his face. "That one's got potential." Jayne leered causing her to giggle. "Could really scare him and kiss Jayne." River said with a smirk. "Nothin doin crazy." Jayne drawled causing River to dissolve into giggles again.

Simon woke early the next morning, stretching languidly. He'd had the most pleasant dream about Kaylee and more important River's cries hadn't woken him from it, meaning no nightmares. Simon climbed out of bed grinning, she really was doing well lately, having more good days than bad. After dressing he stepped across the hall to see if River was awake only to find an empty dorm. "Must have already gone up." He mused to himself. Humming lightly Simon headed toward the mess via the passenger lounge. Simon headed for the stairs and glanced at the couch freezing in horror. Jayne lay on the couch, stretched out on his left side; knees bent calves laying on throw pillow and his feet on the armrest. He was snuggled as far into the couch as he could be leaving a small space in front of him, a space that was filled by Simon's sister. Jayne's right arm was draped over River's side, his large hand splayed out on her ribcage as if holding her in place against him. His left arm pillowed River's head as it wound under her left arm his hand on her breast covering it completely. Rivers arms were draped over his, her small hands perched on his bigger ones. Both had relaxed contented smiles on their sleeping faces.

Simon turned away awash in disgust and staggered up the stairs to the mess where Mal, Zoe and Wash were sitting enjoying their morning coffee. "Rough morning Doc?" Mal asked with an amused smirk. "Give me your gun." Simon said reaching a hand out toward Mal. "You feeling alright?" Wash asked concerned. "No, that's why I need the gun." Simon replied letting his arm drop back to his side. "And what good could come from me handing you a gun?" Mal asked seriously as he stood. "I'm going to kill your merc." Simon informed him with a dark smile. "Well that's just all manner a creepifiyin. Alright, why do you want to kill Jayne?" Mal asked in his best captain voice. "Come see for yourself." Simon bit out heading back down the stairs. Wash and Zoe exchanged a look before following Mal and Simon down the stairs.

The four of them stood in pained silence staring at River and Jayne looking for all the 'Verse like well-established lovers. Mal flipped the strap off his gun preparing to draw it from his holster. "Jayne…Jayne!" Mal said yelling the second time. Jayne grumbled in his sleep and pulled River closer to him. "Damn Mal, can't let a body get some sleep." He mumbled not really awake. A wounded sound came from Simon's throat as he struggled to retain control. Mal drew his gun and placed the muzzle in the center of Jayne's forehead, cocking it with a distinctive click. Two sets of eyes popped open at the sound. "Captain will not shoot Jayne." River said firmly. "Oh yes he will." Mal replied tightly. Jayne slowly sat up, arms still clenched around River pulling her with him so she was sitting in his lap. "Take your hands off." Mal bit out. Jayne looked down confused, then seeing how he was holding her quickly let go holding his hands up. "Zoe, get River out of here." Mal ordered. "Will not leave partner, work well together, much fun had." River refused stubbornly.

"She was a virgin you bastard!" Simon snarled launching himself at Jayne. In a flash Wash had grabbed Simon and bent his arms behind his back preventing him from moving. Mal shot Wash a look of surprised approval and received a steady nod in return. Simon slumped in Wash's grasp right around the time Mal noticed Zoe fighting a smile. Before he could question it, River turned to look at Jayne. "Does he agree sufficient punishment has been applied?" she asked eyes dancing. "Yeah, I'd say your pretty much square girlie." Jayne agreed chuckling. Zoe couldn't take it anymore and burst out laughing. Wash released Simon, who slumped into a chair, then turned to admire his wife.

"Punishment? Wait you mean this was…" Mal tried off in disbelief. "Payback sir, for the way you and Simon humiliated her." Zoe told him grinning. "You knew about this?" Mal asked outraged. "Hell sir, it was my idea." Zoe replied proudly. Mal gaped at her for a long moment before turning on his heel and pounding up the stairs, a string of Chinese profanity floating down in his wake. "River, that was over the top, devious and deceitful." Simon admonished shakily rising to his feet. "Looks like you really are getting better." He said with the ghost of a smile before following Mal. River stood only to be swept into a hug by Wash. "Can we keep you?" he asked pulling back to grin at her. "Not a bad acting job Jayne, took guts to go through with it." Zoe said with something akin to approval in her voice. "Daring ad lib, with the hand." Wash said gesturing to River's chest. "Unintentional, actually fell asleep." River told them blushing slightly. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Didn' even notice til Mal put that gun ta my head." Jayne apologized awkwardly. "No harm, though other side is cold now." River said frowning down at her chest. For the second time that morning peals of Zoe's laughter echoed throughout Serenity.

**Dancing Fool**

River wandered into the cargo bay where Zoe, Wash, Jayne and Shepard Book were relaxing. A small portable cortex was playing soft music and River began to twirl. "The night is meant for dancing." She said floating to a stop in front of Wash and holding her hand out to him. Zoe bit back a grin at her husband's blushing face. "I'm not very good at this." Wash warned standing to take her small hand in his. "Then I will lead." River told him. River arranged Wash's arms in the correct positions then began dancing them around the bay softly counting out the steps. "Seems as if the Captain and Kaylee aren't the only ones attending a dance tonight." Book mused a pleased smile on his face.

After a few minutes Zoe stood and cut in, swaying happily in her husband's arms. River didn't mind losing her partner; instead she floated over to Book and curtsied. The Shepard stood, accepting her invitation to dance and began twirling her around the bay in graceful style for the rest of the song. Book retook his seat as the next song began. River glanced back at the snuggling swaying couple before hesitantly stepping toward Jayne. Before he could react to the little hand reaching for him they heard another voice. "I'll dance with you mei mei." Simon said walking toward her. River turned toward him reluctantly. "Mustn't step on her toes." River warned slowly stepping into her brothers arms. The others watched Simon trip around the cargo bay, wincing as even his sisters grace and instruction didn't help. "Hell Doc, just shoot her in the foot an be done with it." Jayne said cutting in abruptly. Simon stepped back embarrassed while Jayne pulled River into his arms. Everyone watched in surprise as Jayne twirled her around with as much grace as Book had displayed and slightly more skill. As they came to a stop Jayne became aware of the other four staring at him. "Where did you learn to dance like that son?" Book asked impressed. "My ma's always been right keen on dancin, used ta just sweep whoever were handy into a dance round the kitchen. Then when my pa got a bum leg I kinda became her partner at socials n'such. Anyone got a problem with me dancin with my ma?" Jayne asked defensively glaring around the room his eyes settling on Zoe who was suppressing a grin. "Nope, no problems here." Wash said managing to keep a straight face. Jayne rolled his shoulders and stalked away, but not before he heard a soft voice from behind him. "Thank you for the dance."

**Big Damn Hero**

He shoulda been happy, and at first he had been. The Doc and his crazy sister were off the ship and though Book had been hurt the Shepard was gonna be fine. No more worryin about the Alliance comin down on 'em for harborin fuggies, no moon brained girls annoyin him. Course it meant no doc to patch him up when one a Mal's plans went south, but hell they hadn't had one before neither. So why weren't he happy? Why'd he hafta keep thinkin about her askin him to dance all quiet like? Or the devilish grin she had when plottin gainst her brother? Or the way she fit in his arms? "Ta ma de." He swore kicking a crate out of his way. Jayne growled and thundered up the stairs marching into the kitchen. "Alright Books taken care of, so how we gettin' back lil crazy an her brother?" he demanded not knowing who was more surprised Mal or himself.

Simon wrapped his arms around both his sister and the wooden stake in grim determination. "Light it" he said firmly before leaning his forehead against River's. "Time to go." She whispered lifting her face toward the night sky and closing her eyes. Before he could attempt to react an unnatural wind stirred the air, a bright light filled the sky and there were Mal and Zoe parting the crowd with their guns out. Simon had never been so happy to see anyone in his life, except River the day he broke her out. As Simon stared at Mal in thrilled disbelief, River only had eyes for Jayne. Hovering above them, grim determination on his face and a huge gun pointed at the men holding the torches. He was the dark angel of death and he had come to save her. Jayne could feel her eyes on him as he hung outta the ship, lettin Mal do his speechifyin. He could see the expression on her face as she looked up at him. She was beaming like he was her savior, like she'd known all along he'd come for her. "Big damn hero." Jayne muttered to himself smirking down at her.

**Going to the Chapel**

River walked slowly into the kitchen where Jayne sat, waves of disappointment rolling off of him. She'd seen him trying to trade Vera for the captain's unwanted new wife. River sat across from him wishing she could make him feel better. "She is very pretty, Jayne is better off keeping faithful girl." River said softly. Jayne grunted not looking up at her "Does he truly want a wife? He desires someone to care for him, make wife soup, clean and warm his bunk? This would make him happy?" River asked. "Wouldn't a offered if'n it weren't somethin I wanted." Jayne snapped. "Would he accept a substitute?" River wondered. "Well," Jayne began scratching his goatee considering. "She'd hafta be shuai, good cook, not mind I ain't the neatest man in the 'Verse and faithful ta me. I ain't sharin my wife. Gotta be a lady I ain't tyin myself to no whore." Jayne mused slowly. River fell into a contemplative silence considering his words. "She can cook, took many lessons is quite good at it. Is adept at cleaning, doesn't mind menial labor or his habits. Has never warmed a bunk but is a fast learner. Is willing to be his if Jayne will have her." River offered shyly. Jayne gaped at her in shock for a long moment before bursting out into deep loud laughter. River's face turned red with anger and embarrassment as she stood. "Deserves Saffron's kiss! Felt sorry for him, pity and he mocks. Doesn't need a wife, needs a nanny." She declared before angrily heading for the door. "Why don't you go marry that brother of your's, he could use some cookin lessons." Jayne called after her still laughing. "Maybe she will Jayne Cobb!" River shouted back furious.

River stuck her head onto the bridge before slipping into the room. She walked over to the co-pilots seat and sat down gazing out at the stars. "Wash, can she ask something?" River said softly. "Sure Rivtor, ask away." He replied turning in his chair to look at her. "If he was not married and she offered herself, would you marry her?" she asked blushing. Wash blinked in surprise; this is not what he expected. "What brought this on?" he wanted to know. "Jayne wants Saffron, offered to trade favorite gun for her. Captain refused, was sad. Told her he wanted shuai wife, good cook, cleaning, faithful warming only his bunk. Was depressed, didn't want to be alone, felt sorry for him. Wanted to make him happy, so she offered herself as substitute. Laughed in her face, made fun of her. Told her to marry Simon." River told him bitterly. "You asked _Jayne_ to marry you?" Wash asked dumbfounded. River nodded sadly. "Maybe she isn't shuai enough." She said almost to herself. "River, come here." Wash said holding out a hand to her. River stood and walked over in front of him. Wash took her small hands in his looking up at her earnestly. "Jayne Cobb is an idiot and you are beautiful. Not just because I'm partial to brown hair and eyes either. Any reasonably intelligent single man would take one look at you and fall like a stone. Believe me, if I didn't have the good husband shield of immunity I'd be tripping over myself to get even a smile from you. You deserve so much more than to be a glorified maid to a grumpy huan dan like Jayne. You deserve to be loved, totally and completely, by a man who is your equal." Wash told her sincerely. "Like you and Zoe." River said softly. "Exactly, and any man stupid enough not to see how special you are certainly isn't your equal." He said.

River smiled and pulled her hands from his before leaning over and giving him a hug. "Good man, Zoe is very lucky." She murmured. Wash hugged her back enjoying the brotherly warmth that spread through his chest. River kissed him on the cheek then slipped silently from the room. Wash settled back in his chair grinning, he liked being a big brother. After a few minutes Wash began to be bothered by Jayne's part in the whole thing. Obviously Jayne marrying River was out of the question, but he could have been nicer about her attempt to make him happy. Instead he'd laughed at her and told her to marry Simon.

Wash put the ship on autopilot and walked down to the kitchen. As he entered he saw Jayne sitting at the table leaning back in his chair with one foot propped up on the table. There was a huge grin on his face as he sharpened one of his knives. Wash was instantly angry and stalked over, knocking Jayne's foot to the floor. "You think it's funny to batter the self-esteem of an innocent girl? Especially one chins deep in the effects of three years of being physically and mentally abused?" Wash snapped. Jayne's face darkened and he started to get up opening his mouth to defend himself when Wash shoved him back in his seat with surprising strength. "Her brother hasn't been able to unravel even a third of what they did to her in that place, he does know they shot her up with all sorts of luh suh. Injections in her arms, brain and even eyes. Can you imagine that? Being that little girl terrified and alone, strapped down to some table while people put needles in your eyes?" Wash asked harshly. Jayne glared up at the shorter man refusing to say a word. "Everything she's been through, is going through and she still found enough empathy to be sorry you were sad and want to make you happy. You don't even deserve her pity." Wash said in disgust before leaving the room.

**Growing Pains**

Jayne sat on his weight bench brooding over the way things had happened in Canton. He'd talked about it with Mal and Book, but nothing they said really helped. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts he didn't notice River until she sat behind him, her narrow back leaning lightly against his broad one. "Leave me the hell alone crazy." Jayne snapped. "Never going to make sense. There is no logic to find in his actions." River told him. "That supposed to be helpful?" he growled. He felt her shrug her shoulders against him. "Is relative, some lessons are supposed to be painful." She commented. "What the hell do you want from me?" he all but snarled. "Absolutely nothing, same as the mudders. Only thing they required from Jayne was an image, a symbol to rally around. False basis not the point. Doesn't matter that he did not intend to distribute coin, only that he did. Illogical yes, but true to them. Looking for logic in faith is like looking for rain in drought, useless and disappointing." River said evenly. Jayne returned to his thoughts in the resulting silence. Book and Mal had said basically the same thing, but for some reason when she said it he felt a little better. After a few minutes River stood, patted his shoulder and started to walk away. "Why the hell are you bein nice ta me crazy? Thought you was still pissed I laughed at you." He said. "Jayne man hurt her feelings but she forgives. Friends do that." River said before walking away. Jayne let her go, staring after her in surprise. He didn't think of themselves as being friends, and if the idea made him feel kinda warm inside well it was just a coincidence right?

**Dooommm**

Serenity soared into the sky leaving Greenleaf and their very happy clients behind. The job delivering seed and replacement parts for irrigation systems had paid well, not only in cashy money but in a wealth of fresh vegetables. Shepard Book and Kaylee sequestered themselves in the kitchen cooking up a feast happily using not one bit of processed protein. Once dinner was ready the crew eagerly gathered around the table digging into the vegetable stew and fresh green salad. River set her chop sticks down and grinning to herself began rearranging bits of her salad until a pair of cucumber eyes , a cherry tomato nose and a fanged red pepper mouth looked back at her. Giggling to herself she nudged Simon's side to get his attention. "Salad of doom." She told him her eyes dancing with mirth. Simon started snickering and soon the siblings were shaking with laughter, snorts of "doom" and "nom nom" escaping them. "Who knew crazy was catchy?" Jayne said worriedly.

"You two wanna explain what's so funny?" Mal asked smirking at their unrestrained happiness. "The Notorious Salad of Doom." River replied leaning forward her eyes shining. "What's the notorious salad of doom?" Wash asked bemused. "It's a song River made up when we were kids. River never attended regular schools, they were always free form schools for gifted children and even then she tended to surpass her teachers. So mostly she had tutors. One of them Thea Redmond was an amazing woman who in her words took in strays. There was always something going on, people writing, painting, impromptu drum circles around the fire. River used to escape to her house and join in the fun, she took me along a few times. One thing Thea and her husband always did was feed people and one time we were over there when a friend of theirs waved to see if the couple wanted to go out to dinner only to learn there was a house full of people. Thea invited them to come join the fun saying Dave had dinner in hand with an uber-grazing salad bar of doom. She responded with 'Wow, Dave is awesome. I wonder if I should sing for my supper. Do you know any songs about salads?' There was a beat, River and I locked eyes, and she immediately started singing lyrics. A song was born. We retreated to the music room, giggling and grabbing for instruments. Twenty minutes later boom, there we were entertaining the crowd with our creation." Simon related grinning.

"You wrote a song about salad? What's entertainin about salad? Tasty yeah, but I ain't never felt like singin about one." Jayne scoffed. "You guys wrote a song together that's so cute. You gotta sing it." Kaylee insisted. Simon flushed ducking his head as everyone joined in on Kaylee's campaign to get them to sing it. River looked at him with hopefully eyes and he just couldn't bring himself to say no. "Alright, alright start it off mei mei." Simon gave in. Kaylee squealed happily and leaned against the table eagerly waiting. "Bewaaree the blue cheese of Redmond, and the honey mustard of gloom. Be careful how you stick your fork intooooo the no-torious salad of doom." River sang her voice taking in a deeper creepy tone. "Doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom." Simon and River sang together, him singing the doom and her the nom nom. They smoothly moved the song along so only River was singing once more. "An army of croutons comes crunching, while sinister spinach doth creep. Invading the hearts of your luncheon and stirring your belly from sleep. Tempting and colorful veggies, seek only to draw you in." River sang. "Hey baby." Simon interjected flushing. "And learning your fate, you'll find it's too late as dressing drips from your chin." River sang running her fingers down her chin miming drips. "Iceberg lettuce will come to chill your soul." She continued as Simon let out a small shriek. "Don't say we didn't warn you as you blindly fill up your bowl. Oh heads of lettuce will roll! Dress it in flowers and clover, but it consumes you still. In leather and lace, past the bounds of good taste, this salad is dressed to kill." River sang her voice taking on a sultry tone. "The popping of cherry tomatoes resounds throughout the land." Another shriek of horror from Simon. "Innocence lost, when the salad was tossed, But Dave was just feeding the band!" she continued a look of innocence on her face even as the sultry tone returned. "Iceberg lettuce will come to chill your soul. Don't say we didn't warn you as you blindly fill up your bowl. Oh heads of lettuce will roll!" River mimed a chopping motion with her hand. "Health nuts seek other nutrition, vegans best run from the room.

Be careful how you stick your fork into the Notorious Salad of Doom. Woe to the grazers of green things, whose stomachs will growl all too soon. We'll lose all we love, in the tastiness of the Notorious Salad of Doom! Doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom, doom, nom nom!" River sang Simon chiming in on the dooms at the end.

The song ended amid laughter and applause, even Jayne was grinning at their antics.

**Share and Share Alike**

Jayne stood in his bunk shoving weapons and anything important into two duffel bags. He was so intent on packing and not panicking he didn't hear the hatch open or the small booted feet climbing down the ladder. "He's worried." River observed. Jayne's head snapped around to face her so fast he felt a pinch at the movement. "What'er you doin down here girl?" he growled. "Staying out of the way." She told him leaning against the ladder. Jayne glared at her for a moment before turning back to his packing. "He is concerned about suffocation, should not be, hypothermia is greater concern. Freezing will occur faster. Can be avoided if he does it right. Jayne must keep them focused, tasks to give best chance at detection. Then gather close together under many covers, conserve heat. Sleep is best if they can, use less oxygen. Big man must be strong for weaker members of the pack, help them survive." River told him. Jayne stopped and turned to look at her. "What about you?" he asked. "She will likely freeze first, small body mass with little to no insulation." She replied softly. Jayne stared at her for a long moment before cursing. "Fei fei de pi yan, come'er girlie." He ordered.

River walked over to him, looking up at him with curious eyes. Jayne motioned for her to sit on the bed while he rummaged through his clothes. River sat down as he turned back to her, his hands full of cloth. "Arms up." He said gruffly trying not to feel too awkward, he were used ta takin clothes off a girlfolk not dressin 'em. River grinned lifting her arms and letting Jayne slide three t shirts and a thick black hooded sweater over her head and thin frame. He then knelt down and unlaced her large boots, slipping them off her tiny feet. He put several pairs of knit socks that went up past her knees over her thin white pair then put her boots back on lacing them tightly. He took two more pairs of socks and shoved them in the pockets of the sweater. "Now you listen to me girlie, when it starts getting cold in that shuttle you put these over yer hands and that hood over your head. Don't want you getting frost bit or losin too much heat from that big ole brain a yours. You wrap yourself up real good in blankets an stick close to the others. Best stay alive cause I'll be wantin my stuff back, dong ma?" he said gruffly. "She comprehends, will not expire wearing Jayne." River agreed smiling up at him. "Good, now get outta here an lemme finish. Gotta hurry so's I can prep a suit for Mal just in case." Jayne told her. River nodded and hopped off the bunk looking even smaller under his clothes. After a seconds hesitation she threw herself at the now standing Jayne and hugged him. "Jayne man must be good, come back to retrieve his things." River told him before spinning and disappearing up the ladder. Jayne stood there a moment a pleased smile on his face before shaking himself and returning to his packing. "Yup, definitely time for that girl ta go." He muttered.

**Missed Connections**

Jayne stalked toward his bunk pissed as hell, his chest throbbin with every breath. He weren't always nice to the moon brain, talked about them leavin regular like, still didn't give her cause to go all ape shit on him the night before and cut on him like she did. Didn't know what bothered him more, her slicin him cross the chest like that or the fact that the go se she'd been spoutin made some kinda sense to him. All that stuff the doc said she'd told him, bout Jayne givin her his fur an havin to protect her pack mate from the blue, that the blue hands run the sun. Either she were saner than they thought or he was as feng le as her. Swearing to himself Jayne abruptly changed direction.

Shepard Book sat outside the girls door reading when Jayne approached. "She awake?" he asked tightly. "Yes, River finished her breakfast not long ago why?" Book asked concerned. "Gotta talk to 'er." Jayne said reaching for the door. Quick as a flash the Shepard was on his feet blocking Jayne's path. "Sorry son, but I'm afraid I can't let you hurt that girl. No matter what she's done." Book stated firmly. "Ain't gonna hurt 'er Shepard, just gotta talk to her. Makes you feel better come in with me." He offered. Book contemplated his words for a moment before nodding. He silently led Jayne into the room and took a seat next to River. Jayne sat across from her on a small chair. "River sweetheart, Jayne wants to talk to you." Book said gently. River nodded staring sadly at the man across from her.

"Your brother kept his promise an tol' me what you was babblin' about las' night. I'm gonna put it back to you real plain like an you tell me if'n I get it right, dong ma?" he asked his voice brittle with restrained emotion. River nodded eagerly in agreement. "Ccordin ta him you was callin' our lil' crew here a wolf pack, saying I done gave you my fur ta keep you warm durin a storm. I'm figurin' you was tryin ta tell him bout me givin you warm stuff ta wear when it were getting cold when we done lost life support a bit back, right?" he asked stiffly. "Right." River parroted with a hopeful smile. "Then you done told him that the blue controls the sun, that monsters hide behind the light and that the blue could be usin the sun to see into the pack." Jayne said looking at her for confirmation. River nodded again letting him know he'd gotten her words correct. "So what you was meanin was the same blue wearin huan dans that tortured you at the Academy run Blue Sun, hidin the experimentin on folks behind a shiny logo. An you was afraid they be using the logo ta hide hidden trackin d'vices ta try an find you. That's why you freaked an ripped up the can wrappers an sliced my shirt. Figured it'd be better ta wear a lil red than have the blue take over." Jayne said flatly.

"Needed to protect, knew he would understand. Didn't mean to cause pain, had to destroy symbol. Couldn't let the blue hurt Jayne." River told him pleadingly. Jayne slumped back in the chair unsure of what to think, of either of them. River slowly crawled off the bed and approached him wringing her fingers. "Please don't hate her." She whispered. "Don't hate you girlie." He muttered swiping a weary hand over his face. "They are pack mates, must protect, only meant to protect." River said again, neither noticing Book slipping out. Jayne nodded as he stood to leave. He took two steps toward the door before her voice stopped him in his tracks. "Very glad he forgives her, after all wolves mate for life." River told him. Jayne looked back at her in shock. She couldn't possibly mean what he thought she meant. 'Cept from the way she was lookin at him told 'im she did, an the tightenin in his groin told him at least part of him didn't mind. He quickly turned and stalked out of the room. Oh yeah, that damn crazy girl needed ta get gone, sooner the better.

**Waiting Game**

Jayne sat on the bridge staring with unseeing eyes out into the black. He knew from the moment Mal and Zoe didn't make it off the train, that job for Niska was going to come back to bite them in the ass. Seemed to Jayne that Zoe'd run off on a suicide mission, no way Niska just let Mal and Wash go. No matter how much cashy money Zoe had in that bag a hers. Didn't stop him from handing over every last credit he had or hopin he was wrong. Somehow this weird little bunch had come to mean something to him, even the Tams. Jayne knew no matter what if Zoe didn't come back he'd be weaponing up an goin after them. "Warrior woman will return." A soft voice said from behind him. Jayne jumped in the pilot's seat before turning to face River with a glare. "What'd I tell you about sneakin up on me?" he snapped. "That it's womanly and impulsive?" she asked with a tilt of her head. "I believe my 'xact words were _don't_." Jayne told her annoyed.

River snickered moving to sit in the co-pilot seat as Jayne faced front again, absently plucking a dinosaur off the console and fiddling with it. "That's Rivtor, the raptor in his hands. Wash named it after me when we were playing." She said explaining at his confused look. "Rivtor huh? Don't think even Zo' has one named after her." Jayne mused turning the figure in his hands thoughtfully. "Prefers to think of her as Amazonian warrior in a small fur dress riding on dinos back." She told him with a sly grin Jayne found himself returning.

Book walked onto the bridge to find them leering at each other in a way that was as comical as it was disturbing. "Have I ever told you two about the special hell?" he asked conversationally. "No need for hell preacher man, Zoe and Wash are married." River said looking over at the Shepard. "I'm afraid I don't follow." Book said confused. "Lil' crazy here were just tellin me how Wash ain't named one a these here dinos after Zoe cause he'd rather think a her in a tiny fur dress ridin on the back a one." Jayne told him with a smirk. "If nothing else I have to applaud a man who only fantasizes about his wife." Book replied with a chuckle. "Family will be whole again soon." River assured him just as the second shuttle came into sight.

**Punch Line**

Jayne was quiet at dinner that night. Even Inara's triumph over Saffron, or whatever the hell her name was, and Mal bein' stranded bare ass nekkid in the desert couldn't stop the guilt pressin down on his chest. It didn't help that the doc were shootin him glares and crazy were bein way too nice. "When did you get that tattoo?" River asked from her seat beside him. Jayne's head snapped up to ask why she gave a damn when he realized she was talkin to Mal. Mal reddened slightly with the knowledge that River had seen him naked. "Got it just before I shipped out with the Independents." He answered. "Did it hurt a lot?" she wanted to know. "Why, thinkin on getting some ink little witch?" Mal asked grinning. "Don't be absurd, River would never get a tattoo." Simon scoffed before she could answer. "Got a problem with tattoos doc?" Mal asked looking part amused and part insulted. "Well they are a bit barbaric." He said looking around for support and finding none. "Most everyone at this table has at least one." Wash said smiling. "You all know I've got the Independent insignia on my hip." Mal offered. "Got three myself. A horse, a dove and my husband's name Hoban." Zoe stated her mouth twitching into a small grin. "You'll have seen mine." Jayne said moving his arms. "I have Zoe's name, we match." Wash told them. "A hummingbird." Inara revealed getting several surprised looks. "A cross." Book shared smiling. "Mine's the symbol for Serenity, same as on the hull." Kaylee told them eyeing Simon defiantly. Simon shifted uncomfortably not quite believing he'd managed to insult everyone in one sentence. "Must forgive Simon, his condition is genetic passed down from father to son." River said in an apologetic tone. "Condition?" Kaylee asked concerned. "Yes, very serious chronic illness. Foot in mouth disease." She replied sorrowfully shaking her head.

Zoe's mouth twitched in amusement, a snort of laughter slipping past her lips as she fought for control. Seconds later her restraint crumbled as she leaned against a laughing Wash as the rest joined in, except a red faced Simon. River's giggles left her breathless and leaning heavily on Jayne, who instinctively wrapped an arm around her to prevent the young woman from slipping out of her seat. "Uh Jayne, what gives?" Mal asked gesturing to them as the laughter died down. "A well paid whore." River replied cheekily setting everyone off again. "Mei mei, that was not an appropriate joke." Simon attempted to chastise through his chuckles. "Says the man who needs a shoe horn for his jaw." Wash snarked holding Zoe close and winking at River. For reasons he couldn't have explained if he wanted to, Jayne felt a flash of annoyance at Wash's winking and found himself subtly shifting River closer so she was half leaning on his thigh. "For Buddha's sake Jayne, just pull the girl into your lap and be done with it." Zoe said in mock annoyance. Jayne looked over at Zoe in surprise and then at Simon who looked ready to swallow his tongue seeing his mei mei pressed against the large merc's side. "Not a bad idea." Jayne said smirking at Simon while lifting River into his lap. River shifted into a comfortable position before leaning back against his chest and resting her head on his shoulder. Jayne's hands were still lightly holding her sides from when he lifted her, almost before he realized she'd done it River had wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her securely on her perch.

Simon was flushed with anger while most everyone else seemed to be hovering between confused and concerned at this new development. "Somethin' you wanna be tellin me there Jayne? Like why you got a lap full of girl who looks like she's been there plenty before?" Mal said slowly. "Just havin a bit a fun with the doc Mal." Jayne said with a smirk. "River, I'd like you to get off now." Simon said tightly needing his sister off Jayne's lap. "In front of everyone?" River asked with wide eyed innocence. "Yes mei mei, I'm sure Jayne would be happy to help you." Simon replied fighting his temper. Book shifted uncomfortably as Kaylee tried to stifle snickers, Inara and Mal were grinning while Wash and Zoe were quaking with restrained laughter. "Jayne would do this?" River asked leaning her head back to look up at him. "Well I ain't usually one for puttin on a show, but if'n you all really wanna watch what the hell I'm game." He replied eyes laughing.

Simon sat dumbfounded as everyone began to laugh again. "What, why is that funny?" Simon demanded feeling foolish and not liking it. "Doc you told her to 'get off'." Wash choked out. "An that Jayne would help her." Kaylee added giggling. Simon looked over to where his sister was shaking with laughter on Jayne's lap as the big man smirked at him, obviously enjoying his confusion. Jayne saw 3% still hadn't put it together and picked up his right hand from where it'd landed on lil' crazy's thigh and held it palm up fingers relaxed. Once he was sure he had Simon's full attention he lightly pressed his middle and index fingers together crooking them upward, then fixing his best 'I'm thinkin dirty thoughts' smirk on his face started wiggling those two fingers back and forth. Even the Shepard was now chuckling at the still blank look on the doctors face and wondering exactly how sheltered the boys life had been. Understanding and horror slowly dawned on Simon's face as he looked from Jayne's hand movements to his mei mei squirming with laughter in Jayne's lap. Head thrown back, face flushed, eyes dancing, lips parted in laughter, chest heaving from the effort of getting a normal breath through her mirth.

Simon surged to his feet and before anyone realized what he was doing had rounded the table and jerked River out of Jayne's lap, the abrupt movement causing her to fall heavily to the floor. "What the hell!" Jayne yelled instantly shoving his chair back and squatting by the dazed girl on the floor. "You alright there darlin?" Jayne asked softly helping her sit up. "Brain pan did not need another injury." River replied wincing as her hand came away from the side of her head with blood on it. "Aw hell." He growled picking her up and heading for the stairs. "Smooth move doc, you clipped her head on the edge a the table an now she's bleedin. Learn ta take a joke you uptight hun dan." Jayne said disgusted as he carried River out of the room. Simon took a quick look around the now silent room before sheepishly following.

"Put her down on the table." Simon said softly as he walked into the infirmary behind Jayne. Jayne gently sat the girl down on the exam table and stepped back to let the doc do his thing. Simon moved toward River, pulling on white gloves before gently moving her hair aside. "It's not bad, just a small cut it won't even need stitches." He told her pressing gauze to the cut. "You can leave now." Simon told Jayne coldly. "Your welcome." He snapped pushing away from the counter he was leaning on. "Thank you Jayne." River said softly. Jayne paused in the doorway and winked back at her with a smile before heading toward the cargo bay. "You shouldn't encourage his attention. Jayne isn't burdened with an overabundance of morals or intelligence. He may just take you seriously and think it's okay to touch you and he's proven he can't be trusted." Simon warned not looking her in the eye. "Smart enough to tell a joke over your head." River countered. "Crude enough you mean. I'm surprised you went along with it, makes me think you didn't fully understand what was being suggested." Simon said stepping back to look at her. "He was miming using his digits to stimulate the clitoris to bring about orgasm, 'getting off'." River supplied easily. "River! You can't just say things like that." He chastised. "Such a prude Simon." She admonished rolling her eyes.

Jayne stood in the cargo bay adjusting his weights and grinning as he remembered the look on Simon's face when he got what everyone was laughing about. He looked up at the sound of footsteps and saw Book headed for him. "You up for a set preacher?" Jayne asked smiling at his friend. Book returned the smile softly as he walked closer. "Not tonight son, actually I wanted to talk to you about River." Book said sitting on a nearby crate. Jayne frowned but sat on his weight bench across from his friend. "Let me be blunt. River is young and has many issues with her brain that would prevent her from having the ability to consent to a sexual relationship." Book warned. "Whoa, ain't no sexin goin on 'tween me and lil'crazy. We was just jokin Shepard." Jayne defended. "True, but this isn't the first joke that has resulted with River in your arms." Book pointed out. "Them's just jokes Shepard, I know it an she knows it. Ain't like I'm fallin for her or nothin." Jayne said defensively. "Who said you were? Now that you mention it however, I do find it interesting that you equate a sexual relationship with River to falling in love. Not your usual mind set on the subject, is it?" Book asked reflectively. "Yer walkin a fine line preacher." Jayne warned. Book held up his hands in surrender a small smile on his face as he stood to leave. "She is getting better; her good days are outnumbering her bad. So it is possible that given enough time and healing River will one day be able to make that choice. My advice to anyone remotely looking forward to that day would be to foster a friendship, earn her trust. Do something nice for her, maybe go wild and stop referring to her as 'crazy'," Book offered casually.

**Understanding**

Jayne sat on his weight bench, knit orange hat perched jauntily on his head as he re-read his Ma's letter. River drifted over to stand in front of him. She peered down at the pages and smiled at him. "Was right penmanship made reading difficult, you should see Simon's its completely illegible. That's why he uses a data pad to make notes. Ma's is much better." She told him with a conspiratorial smile. Jayne felt himself returning the smile. It seemed like the crazy girl were trying to make up for her brothers shots about Jayne being stupid by lettin him know she understood it was his Ma's handwriting that made her letter hard to read and by tellin him the doc's was way worse, getting it across that she weren't insultin his Ma neither, somethin he appreciated. "How come that brother a yours is so stuck up an you ain't?" he asked surprising them both. "Raised that way, but she never liked rules. Never believed different defaulted to less than." River explained. Jayne nodded his understanding. One of her small hands snuck out to bounce the pom on the top of his hat.

"Is very cunning, can she try?" River asked shyly. "Not gonna try runnin off with it or anythin are you?" Jayne asked warily. River shook her head no a solemn expression on her face. "Are your hands clean?" he asked. River held up her small white hands for his inspection. Jayne nodded his approval before taking the hat off his head and handing it to her. River gently turned the hat in her hands, running her fingers reverently over the soft yourn. Jayne watched her movements mesmerized, his mouth going dry at the look of pure bliss on her face as she slowly settled the large hat on her small head. "Like wearing love." She murmured before reluctantly removing the hat from her head. Jayne sat perfectly still as River took a few steps closer and gently placed the hat snuggly on his head. "Would like to meet Ma if Jayne would take her. Maybe Simon could help with damp lung." She suggested tying the strings loosely under his chin. River stepped back and beamed at him. "Very cunning indeed." She said. Jayne smirked in amusement as she darted off toward the kitchen. 'At least someone on this boat knows a quality hat when they see one.' He mused to himself. Turning back to his letter Jayne never saw Book standing in the shadows with an indulgent smile. It did his heart good to see that boy display a softer side, especially to that poor little thing that'd been so abused.

**Slave to Fashion**

Jayne sat in the kitchen cleaning his guns, focused on the task at hand when he became aware of a strange sound. Clink, clonk. There was a long pause then the sound repeated clink, clonk. For a long minute the sound creeped ever closer until Jayne's nerves were so on edge he wanted to shoot something. Just as he stood to go find out what was making that gorram noise River stumbled into the room looking like…well a high priced whore. Her hair was up in a messy bun with decorative chopsticks through it, her large dark eyes were lined with kohl and her lips were slick with some red stuff making them look like she'd done been kissed breathless. Her frilly ruffled dark pink skirt that had always made her look like a little girl now seemed sultry with the black impossibly high heeled shoes buckled onto her feet. All of this paled in comparison to the black corset with little pink flowers embroidered onto it that was cinched tightly about her tiny waist, nipping in, exaggerating the curve of her hip and shoving what cleavage she had up for viewing until she seemed on the verge of spilling out of the thing. Jayne felt his pants begin to tighten at the sight of her even as his brain screamed out why, why the hell was she dressed like that? "Jayne-man help, can't remove torture devices on her own." River begged her breath coming in distressed pants.

"River, what the hell are you doin in that…stuff? You look like a whore." He growled confused and annoyed at his bodies reaction. "Kaylee and Inara insisted she participate in girl time. Get dressed up in costumes, rearrange hair and paint faces. Turned her into a gorram living doll!" she gasped indignantly. "An they just let you roam the ship like that?" Jayne asked incredulous. "Captain called Kaylee away to the engine room, Inara got important wave from influential client. Forgot about the girl, left her on the bed hobbled and unable to breath. So tight Jayne, please take it off me." River begged tugging at the corset. Jayne froze, all sorts of dirty thoughts flooding his brain at her asking him to take her clothes off. River stumbled, trying to breath deeply and failing. Snapping out of it Jayne quickly steadied her. "Whoa girl, you alright?" he asked. "Can't breath, too tight." She panted getting light headed. "Alright, yeah we need to get you outta this damned thing a'fore you pass out." He picked her up and brought her to the table where he placed her back on her feet. "Hold on to the table now ta steady you." Jayne ordered as he squatted down behind her. He unbuckled the shoes and soon had her back on her bare feet. Once she was standing flat he stood and began trying to unlace the corest, tugging on the silken cords. "Tighter! Getting tighter!" River exclaimed distressed. "Out, out get me out!" she said starting to panic. "Okay girlie, I'm gonna get you out, first you gotta calm down." He said pulling Binky out of her sheath on his hip. "Stand real still now darlin, I'm gonna cut right through these cords an I don't wanna get you." Jayne told her. River nodded and stood very still, her breath coming in slow pants as her body struggled to get enough oxygen. Starting from the top Jayne slowly cut the criss-cross of cords holding the corset together causing it to gape apart more and more before finally falling to the ground leaving River bare from the waist up. River slumped against the table, greedily drawing deep breaths of air into her lungs heedless of her semi-nudity. Jayne's body began to react again to all that pale girl flesh laid out so temptingly in front of him, her bare chest pressed to the table her skirt covered ass in the air, making him hastily step away from her. On impulse he whipped off his t-shirt and thrust it at her. "Here, put this on." He ordered and for once she complied without comment or complaint.

River plopped herself onto the table sitting on the edge briefly flashing him as she pulled his shirt over her head, getting the neck caught on the chopsticks still sticking out of her hair. With a long suffering sigh Jayne stepped closer to her and tried to get the shirt uncaught. "Hold still will you? Got get at you if'n we're gonna get it on." Jayne grouse grabbing her flailing arms. "What exactly is goin on in here?" Books deep voice asked cautiously. Jayne froze, suddenly aware of his shirtless state in front of the half dressed moonbrained girl whose arms he was holding. "Nothin bad preacher, just don't go jumpin to conclusions or anythin." Jayne said warily. "Still stuck." River said impatiently. "Right, hang on crazy." Jayne replied getting back to the task at hand. Hyper aware of Book's eyes following his every move Jayne quickly untangled the shirt from the chopsticks and settled it over her head, his shirt swamping her small frame. "Thank you." River said relieved beaming up at him. "Saved me from the torture. If binding and hobbling are what it means to be a woman I will stay a girl." River declared firmly. Jayne stepped back from her with a nod. "Might be best at that." He agreed eyeing Book who looked more confused than anything. River hopped off the table, gathered the corest and shoes then turned to Book holding them up. "Kaylee and Inara dressed her up in shoes one cannot walk in and top one cannot breath in then abandoned her. Jayne came to my rescue. Removed torture devices then gave his own coverings. I can breath and walk again." She explained. "I see, well I'm sure that Inara and Kaylee didn't mean to leave you in such a state. They likely didn't realize how uncomfortable you were." Book replied. "Doesn't matter, Jayne saved me. We're friends." River said smiling at Jayne who shifted uncomfortably under the praise. "Are you really? Well I'm glad little one, one can never have too many friends." Book told her smiling, his eyes flicking to Jayne in amusement. River nodded and impulsively hugged first Jayne then Book before darting out of the room.

Jayne began to gather his weapons in an uncomfortable hurry. "It was kind of you to help River like that. I'm sure it must have been awkward." Book told him. "Yeah well girl could hardly breath when she done stumbled in here, was like to pass out, an if'n I let that happen Mal'd have my ass." Jayne shrugged it off. "You also gave her your shirt." Book replied. "Girl were topless under that corset thing, couldn't leave her all nekkid. Don't know what 'Nara and Kaylee was thinkin dressin the girl up like a whore in the first place." Jayne groused. "I don't think the intent was for anyone other than themselves to see her like that." Book excused. Jayne shrugged and headed toward the crew corridor. "I'll be in my bunk." He said. Book snorted in repressed laughter causing Jayne to freeze and glare back at him. "To put away my guns an get another shirt, you got a dirty mind Preacher." Jayne growled with a glare before striding out of the room Books mirth following him. Damned if that crazy preacher weren't right, he'd definitely be spending some time with himself an the memory of River all dolled up an beggin him to take her clothes off. "I'm a bad man." He muttered to himself as he climbed down the ladder in to his bunk, the hatch closing with an audible snap.

**Habits**

Jayne sat sprawled out in the lounge relaxing after all his sexin and heroics at the Heart of Gold. He'd gotten good and sexed and to inflict some hurt on people who deserved it all in one job. 'Could do with a few more like that.' He thought to himself. River slipped into the room and sat across from him. "Why does Jayne like whores so much?" River asked. Jayne's head snapped up and he stared at her in shock. "Aw hell no crazy, we ain't talkin bout this. Go get your top 3% brother to explain sexin to you." Jayne ordered. "Understand sex, am interested in motivation not specific acts." River explained. Jayne just stared at her somewhat confused. "She means why go to whores and not others?" River rephrased. "Oh, well it just makes sense. A man's got needs an I ain't dirt side long enough to court a lady so I pay for what I want. I get sexed, they get paid an I make sure they enjoy 'emselves too." Jayne told her only slightly uncomfortable.

"Other men don't, like Simon and Mal." River said sounding confused. "An they're wound tighter then Books hair. Seems to me they'd both be better off for visitin a whore every now an again, specially that brother a yours. He's in more dire need of a blow job than any man in history." Jayne snarked. "Would prefer _not_ to think of him in such a position, ewww." She said wrinkling her nose in disgust. Jayne chuckled at the face she made at the thought her brother getting serviced. "Ain't somethin I wanna be picturin neither, don't make it any less true." He pointed out. "Would never go, too uptight. Looks down on anyone outside the Guild, not much different semantics only." River told him. "Huh? 'Nara's Buddhist, not Jewish." Jayne replied. "Not Semitic meaning Jewish, semantics meaning small details." River corrected. "Hell, you know I ain't smart." He told her. "Untruth, plenty smart. Words known and used don't indicate intelligence, only memorization and she does not tolerate friends being mean, especially to themselves." River chastised gently. Jayne stared at her in surprise for a long moment. "You're the damnedest little thing." He said finally, pulling out a cigar. River suddenly stood looking regretful. "Must go, stick in the mud is approaching." She said and with a swish of skirts she was gone. Seconds later Simon walked into the lounge. "Have you seen River?" he asked looking around for signs of his sister. "Nope, ain't seen 'er doc." Jayne answered lazily. Simon nodded and headed back the way he came. Jayne laid his head back on the couch blowing smoke rings and wondering when in the hell he and River had become friends.

**Proportionate Response**

Jayne was furious. He couldn't ever remember being as angry as he was at that moment. Mal. Little crazy had deliberately locked him out of her plans to eliminate the bounty hunter and trusted ruttin Mal instead. That she'd orchestrated the whole thing weren't surprising, girl was crafty. No, he was pissed that she hadn't trusted him enough to let him in on it. "Wouldn't have followed her." River's voice cut into his thoughts. Jayne's head snapped up to see her dangling from the ladder of his bunk. "Ain't supposed to be down here girlie." He growled. "Shepard likes to say if you can't do something smart, do something right. Had to do the smart thing and let Jayne sleep. Would have ignored her plan and used guns, making things worse." River insisted dropping the rest of the way to the floor. "I'm gonna tell you this only once, get outta my bunk." He ordered trying to keep his temper in check. "No." River refused setting her jaw stubbornly. Jayne stood and crossed the room in two long angry strides. "Get your ass up that ladder." He growled down at her.

River simply stood there staring straight ahead unmoved by his threatening demeanor. Something inside Jayne snapped when she wouldn't even look at him, as if he weren't worth acknowledging. He turned striding back to his bunk, grabbing her wrist and tugging River along with him. Jayne turned and dropped to sit on the edge of the bed, the maneuver pulling her off balance causing River to trip and land sprawled across his lap on her stomach. After a dazed few seconds she realized he'd let go of her wrist and digging her toes into the floor used her hands to brace herself on his thigh trying to stand. With a sweep of his arm Jayne broke her hold on his leg as he used his right leg to knock her feet out from under her. Jayne used his leg to cover hers, holding them in place and his left hand pressing down on her back holding her firmly in place. "Let me go." She protested wiggling as much as she could. "You wanna act like a spoiled brat you get treated like one." He snarled right before a loud stinging slap descended on her backside.

River cried out at the blow, causing Jayne to cover her mouth with his left hand. He lost track of how many times his hand fell when he suddenly became aware of the position he was in. As if looking at himself in a mirror Jayne realized in an instant that he was sitting there, rock hard against her hip and spanking the girl whose wet heat he could feel pressed against his thigh even through all the layers of clothing and that with each blow she was eagerly grinding against him her cries no longer of distress. Jayne felt the swipe of her tongue against his palm and abruptly released her, shoving River off his lap as if she'd caught fire. River picked herself off the floor on shaking legs, her deep brown eyes looking at him in utter confusion. "Please, for the love of God just…just go." He pleaded softly. River stared at him for a moment longer, her eyes full of tears, confusion and desire before nodding once and fleeing up the ladder, the hatch clanging shut behind her. Once she was gone Jayne collapsed back onto his bed. "What the fuck am I doing?" he wondered out loud raggedly.

**Soothing the Savage Beast**

They all sat around the bonfire on Haven enjoying the last few hours of visiting before leaving Shepard Book to his new flock. Jayne had pulled away from Book some since he'd snapped and put his hands on lil crazy, he'd also avoided being alone with her. No more little private moments. Feeling the need to do something with his hands Jayne picked up his guitar and started to strum, an old love song his parents had danced to weaving its way out of the instrument, his hands moving by instinct the music flowing over the people around the fire as his eyes slid shut and he got lost in the music. For some reason he wasn't surprised when River several feet away from him at her brothers side began to sing.

"_From far away I'm coveting your white violet skin  
and missing the fall of your hair.  
Worlds away I'm courting your everything  
and giving you all that I dare.  
I long to stay but the road has my number,  
still I don't have to miss you for long.  
Little did I know, all these new thoughts of home  
come Tuesday or Wednesday I'm gone.  
Never had such Valentines as these on my mind  
all the faces I've seen, the places I've been.  
They don't stack up, even at the same time  
to you and your white violet skin_

_How can one claim perfect love, perfect trust_  
_and not know the wonders I know?_  
_Dreams are all well and good, but mine live and breathe_  
_who knew? You came true, i suppose._  
_If wishing on stars ever falls out of fashion_  
_we can move to the Pleiades with no backward glance._  
_Maybe between worlds and blackness_  
_I'll get up the nerve_  
_to finally ask you to dance._  
_There will be space for you always in my harmony_  
_though i never knew this before._  
_Every note, 'I love you,' no matter the chord_  
_that's all any love song is for_  
_that's all any love song is for._

_The wild foxes danced when you laughed in your cradle  
the magpies fell silent when you learned to sing.  
Imagine my luck, to be part of your fable  
where you hold my heart like the fruit in your hand.  
The mockingbird sang when I lay in my cradle  
the pipers all played when I rose up to stand.  
I'll walk all the roads 'til I'm no longer able  
and treasure your heart like the song in my hand. _

River's voice faded to the skies as Jayne played on, her head tipped back eyes closed, the rich tones of his guitar filling the night now seeming lonesome without her accompanying it. Then as if they'd been given a signal their eyes opened locked on each other as she began to sing with his playing once more.

_Just to say I love you in well-hidden ways  
that's all any song says, each note when it's played  
this one's too honest, but you're smiling, I pray.  
I am wide open, only a little afraid._

_From far away I'm coveting your white violet skin_  
_and missing the fall of your hair._

_With just a laugh you rearranged the world as it is  
spoke your heart, gave me leave to care. _

_I will ever long to stay but the road has my number  
still I don't have to miss you for long.  
Little did I know, all these new thoughts of home  
to tether me when I am gone.  
Never had such Valentines as these on my mind  
all the faces I've seen, the places I've been.  
They will never stack up, even at the same time  
to you and your white violet skin,_

_Oh, to you and your white violet skin._

The music faded away, the pair staring at each other as the people of Haven clapped at the impromptu performance. Before any of the crew could question the oddity of what they had just witnessed River stood. "Play something faster this time so we can dance." She said relieving the tension between them. Jayne grinned and started a rocking beat watching River pull Kaylee to her feet, moving into a swaying dance around the fire.

**Ghosts and Demons**

River ghosted through the Alliance medical ship looking in on the different members of her family. Mal lay still and pale as his battered body rested while Inara sat a solitary vigil clutching his hand. Zoe lay on her stomach in another room, her very lucky husband recovering from a gunshot wound to the chest in the bed next to hers. If the lower harpoon had released first Wash would have been skewered to his chair. In a third room Kaylee lay snuggled next to Simon, her hand gently resting above where the bullet had hit him. River floated down the hall to the last room where Jayne lay. He had suffered a bullet to the shoulder along with various cuts and bruises from being tossed around on the way down to Mr. Universes complex. "Where you goin girlie?" Jayne's rough voice asked as she moved to leave. River looked back at him her eyes full of sorrow and pain. "Come'er." He ordered roughly gesturing for her to come stand by him. River hesitated for a moment before hanging her head and obeying. She stood by his hospital bed, face hidden by the curtain of her hair not saying a word. Jayne's hand shot out and tugged her forward causing River to collapse onto the bed with a surprised gasp. Jayne pulled her tight to his side, wrapping a comforting arm around the now shaking young woman.

"It ain't your fault, none of it. Not Haven, not Mr. Universe, not one damned bit of it. It ain't your fault River, not one damned bit." He told her softly. At his words the dam broke and River buried her face in his chest sobbing. She cried for the injured of the people who loved her, for Book, for those innocents the Alliance killed to get to her, for the victims who fell at the Maidenhead, for Miranda, for the humans the Reavers could have been, for all that her brother had lost and finally for herself and everything they had stolen from her. Through it all she held tight to her rock and clung to his voice as he told her over and over "It ain't your fault."

**Practice Makes Perfect**

Mal and Zoe stood in the cargo bay, the doors wide open letting a warm breeze into the ship. A few days before Kaylee and Simon had asked Jayne to teach them how to shoot. He'd spent two afternoons teaching them how to break down two of the ships pistols and put them back together, making sure they understood the mechanics of the weapons before he'd agree to let them shoot at anything. Not surprisingly Kaylee found it rather easy and was soon disassembling and reassembling the gun as if she'd been born doing it. Simon eventually managed to satisfy Jayne that he was ready to try learning to shoot, but only barely. They'd headed out away from the ship about fifteen minutes before with River tagging along for moral support. Mal looked out the doors as the sound of loud cursing filled the air. "Ben tian sheng de yi dui rou." Jayne growled as he limped onto the ship with Simon hurrying behind. "I am so sorry, I can't…I have no idea how that happened. I am truly, truly sorry." Simon babbled apologetically. "Doc if you broke my merc." Mal let the threat hang as Jayne limped past a furious look on his face.

As the two men disappeared toward the infirmary Kaylee and River came walking up the ramp holding each other up as they shook with silent laughter. "What the hell happened?" Mal and Zoe asked in tandem. "Simon had a little accident." Kaylee reported giggling. "He shot Jayne, a graze across the thigh." River clarified grinning. "That's funny, why?" Zoe asked confused. "Wouldn't be, if Jayne hadn't been standing behind him at the time." River answered before dissolving into giggles again. "Behind? How do you even_ do_ that?" Mal asked his mouth twitching into a grin. "Not a gorram clue sir." Zoe replied fighting back laughter.

Later that night Jayne sat on the bed in his bunk, his legs stretched out in front him. He still couldn't ruttin believe even the doc could be that bad a shot. Didn't make no sense, getting hit behind the man. Doc were a gorram menace. A soft knock on his hatch surprised him out of his brooding. "What?" he called out annoyed. "Jayne, can I come down?" River's voice called. "Leave me alone, crazy girl." He replied not wanting to deal with her laughing anymore. "Please, I brought you something to make amends." She replied. Jayne sighed and rolled his eyes at himself, damned if she hadn't peaked his interest. "Alright fine, come on down if your so damned determined lil'bit." He agreed managing to sound put out.

The hatch slid open and a pair of pale bare feet appeared followed shortly by the rest of her. Clutched in her hand was a small brown paper bag along with an even smaller white one. "How's your leg?" she asked walking toward him. "It's fine." Jayne said brushing off her concern. River climbed onto the end of the bed sitting next to his feet so she was facing him, one leg tucked close to her body the other hanging off the side. "I wanted to apologize. It was my idea for Simon to ask you for shooting lessons. He asked me first, but since you're the weapons expert I thought it would be best if he learned from you. Plus me with a gun still makes Mal twitch." She explained with a small smile.

"I also wanted to say I'm sorry for laughing and to explain that it wasn't you being hurt we were laughing at. I'd never laugh at that. It was just that Simon was so completely horrible at shooting. I mean really, how do you hit something behind you when aiming forward? I know there's a tendency, especially with Mal and Zoe, for there to be a 'it's just Jayne' attitude about things. I want you to know I'd never do that, you've never been just Jayne to me. Anyway I know that you prefer actions over shiny words so I got you a couple of things to make it up to you." She said handing him the brown bag first. Jayne slowly took the bag from her, not sure what to think. "Cigars?" he asked peering into the bag. "I hope they aren't luh suh. I had to go by the shop keeps advice. He was sincere in that they were the best I could afford, I read him to make sure. Those are for my brother shooting you. This is for the laughing, I remember you like them." River explained handing him the other bag.

Jayne placed the brown bag on the bed and took the little white one from her hand. He opened the bag and saw a large scoop of candied pineapple, the same kind he'd bought her so many months before. River breathed easier as a genuine smile spread across his face. "I weren't sure you remembered that." Jayne said popping a piece in his mouth and tilting the bag toward her. "It was the first nice thing you ever did for me, of course I remember." River said taking a piece herself. They fell into amiable silence, munching on the fruit savoring each piece. "I remember the last time I was down here." She said shyly after a time. Jayne refusing to meet her gaze, stared at the white bag instead.

River slowly stood and stretched. "I should get going, let you rest and keep Simon from blowing a gasket." She told him. Jayne nodded looking up at her partly glad she had let the subject drop and part disappointed. River took a few steps closer before giving him a quick kiss on the temple. In a flash she was at the ladder with her foot on the bottom rung. "Maybe eventually we can try and make last time not so last. If you wanted." River said a flirty smile on her face before she climbed the ladder leaving him to wonder if she were actually serious about him putting his hands on her again. Leaning back against the wall Jayne grinned as he popped the last candy into his mouth. He surely hoped she were serious, he surely did.

**New Horizons**

He shoulda been pissed when Mal had declared he was bringin her along on their latest job, only the second one after Miranda. He'd put in a token protest when he'd found out, more outta habit and to annoy Cap'n Tight Ass than anything else though. Even so his protests were mostly about her clothes, sayin that flowy skirts and baggy sweaters weren't real practical for doing crime. To his surprise Zoe'd agreed and offered ta take the girl shopping for more suitable clothes to wear on jobs. Jayne lowered the mule and quickly unhooked it before backin outta the bay onto solid ground. He leaned against the mule waitin for the others. They came down the ramp a few minutes later, walking in an even line but it were crazy alone that had his attention. River strode down the ramp copying Zoe's confident posture as she tried to feel comfortable in her new clothes. Feeling Jayne's complete attention on her, she focused on the merc and shivered slightly at the shot of lust she felt roll off the man. A smirk now on her face River lengthened her strides letting her hips sway, the man sure was a confidence builder.

Jayne watched her strut down the ramp taking in the whole picture. Her hair was smoothed back in a braid, stray wisps curlin carelessly around her face. Her slim shoulders were encased in a short sleeved black tee that hugged her chest snugly then fell straight to her waist. Scrawling red print across her breasts read: Trixie Pixie, and he couldn't agree more. Camo print cargo pants, not unlike the ones he was wearing himself, flowed loosely down her legs to cover the tops of her boots. The holster on her hips held a small pistol on one side and a knife sheathed on the other, the weight of it pulling her pants down just enough to show a sliver of smooth white skin between the top of her pants and hem of the shirt. She looked like a wet dream, his wet dream. All to soon they were at the mule, Zoe and Mal climbing into the front and River looking up at him expectantly, waiting to be lifted into the back as he'd done before. Jayne pushed off the mule and picked her up, coping a quick feel of her ass as he placed her in the back before climbing up himself. River cast a smirk his way, letting him know his slip of the hand hadn't been misunderstood, she knew it was deliberate. Jayne leered back as she braced herself in the corner of the backseat seconds before Mal stomped on the throttle. Jayne was slammed back into the seat by the inertia of the sudden movement. "Gorram it Mal, warn a body before you tear out like that!" Jayne griped mirroring Rivers posture against the g forces. Mal simply grinned back at him unrepentant before turning forward again.

Some ten miles from Serenity and twelve from the nearest town they stopped by a stream running through the flat grasslands. Other than some low bushes on the banks of the stream there was nothing but waving grass for miles. "Don't like how gorram open it is, got no cover ceptin the mule." Jayne complained. "An they got nowhere to ambush us from, seems a fair trade." Mal reasoned. They didn't have to wait long for their contact to arrive. A few minutes later a mule was visible in the distance and soon three men had parked nearby and were headed toward them. The leader was a small squirrely looking man with little hair and shifty eyes. He wore fancy looking clothes made of cheap material, obviously trying to project an air of wealth he didn't have. The other two men were clearly brothers, tall and broad shouldered with thick blonde hair. Their clothes marked them as farmers, and if Jayne were right they were probably better at the protection game they were currently playing than scraping a crop outta the ground. "You Reynolds?" the smaller man asked Zoe with a lecherous grin. "That would be me, Captain Malcolm Reynolds." Mal said stepping forward with a fake smile. "Well Captain, let's get this under way shall we?" the man replied. "Of course Mr. Chisholm, I have the agreed upon price of $500 platinum and I see you have the goods. Now I'll just have my first mate here make a quick inspection of the crates and then we can make the exchange." Mal agreed. River stood slightly behind Jayne, leaning lightly against the mule reading the men. As Zoe began opening the crates she stood up straight and stepped to Jayne's side patting his arm once before moving past him and stepping toward the largest of the three men.

"Hi, I'm Abbey the cap'n's niece. You look all kinds a familiar, you ain't from Harvest are you?" she asked brightly sounding eerily like Kaylee. "No, spent my whole life here on Kerry." The man replied looking down at her unable to keep the attraction to her out of his eyes. "Funny, you kinda remind me of an old friend from home." She said in the same voice as she smiled warmly up at him. Mal's hand causally drifted down to rest on the butt of his gun as he recognized the preset phrase for when she read someone planning to double cross them. Zoe stepped back towards Mal having verified the valuable cloth Badger had sent them after was in the crates. "Good to go sir." She said acting as if she suspected nothing. "Seems as if we have an accord." Mal said brightly.

"Actually Captain, we have one small issue to discuss. See I nearly lost a man procuring that lovely cargo, as it is he won't be fit for months. Given the circumstances I'm afraid the $500 just isn't enough. However I think an additional $300 should make up for things nicely." Chisholm said. "Well now, I'm all kinds a sympathetic to your wounded man, but this price was settled between yourself and Badger and it's what I have to give. Now you want to wave him and try to get a second payment that's your affair. We got hired to do a job and we aim to do it." Mal told the man. Chisholm's muscle quickly drew their weapons but Jayne and River were quicker. In a matter of moments both men were on the ground, one with his knee shattered by a bullet and the other unconscious from a kick to the head. Chisholm found himself staring down the barrel of Zoe's mares leg.

"Jayne, come help me with these crates, lil witch go an start up the mule." Mal ordered once she'd collected the other men's weapons. Chisholm stood there shivering in fear unable to take his gaze away from Zoe's gun. Once the crates were loaded and Jayne was back in the mule, Mal walked over and motioned Zoe to back off. Zoe lowered her gun and retreated to the mule while Mal stepped in front of the man his own weapon now pointed at him. "Now when I told you I aimed to do the job we were hired for I wasn't so much kidding as deadly serious. Seeing as you and yours just tried to double cross me and mine, not to mention our fine friend Badger, I feel fair and fully justified in keeping the payment. If you have a problem with this, feel free to take it up with our complaint department. Would you like to meet our complaint department?" Mal asked in his best threateningly authoritative voice. The man shook his head no mutely, his body beginning to shiver in fear again. "I think you do and are just too damned shy to say so. Jayne, show this nice man where to lodge a complaint." Mal said stepping to the side giving Chisholm an unobstructed view of the mule where the large angry merc was standing in the back with Vera aimed at his man's head. Chisholm shuddered and a wet patch appeared on the front of his pants growing larger by the second. Mal grinned as he hopped into the mule. "Good work Jayne, that was all manner of satisfying." He said as River turned the mule toward home.

Kaylee and Simon stood in the cargo bay as River glided the mule into place. The four grinning crew mates hopped out of the vehicle and went about their duties. "Looks like it went good with the way you'll are grinnin." Kaylee commented smiling at them. "That it did lil Kaylee." Mal said hitting the button to close the bay doors. "I'm fine Simon." River said before he could ask. She flashed him a grin and started to secure the hoisting straps around the mule. Jayne and Zoe were stowing the cargo as Mal hit the comm button. "We're all in Wash, take us out of the world." Mal ordered jovially. "I take it went well." His voice responded as they heard the engines roar to life. "Things are downright shiny husband." Zoe called out as she fitted the cover back onto the smuggling compartment. "I have a feeling there's a story to be told." Wash's voice came back brightly. "Tales can be told at dinner, let's get off this rock." Mal said not unkindly before disengaging the comm.

Jayne and River finished securing the mule as everyone else scattered from the bay to do their duties. "Still can't believe the darned fool pissed hisself." Jayne chuckled when they were alone. "Glad we didn't have to smell it though." River said grinning up at him. "You did good today darlin, be the first to admit things a prolly gone all kinds a bad if'n you hadn't warned us." He told her sincerely. River's grin softened into a smile at his words. "That mean you don't want me off the ship anymore?" she teased. "Hell no, you keep my ass from getting shot." He returned with a grin. "I don't know Jayne, you keep talkin pretty like that and I might have to let you grab _my_ ass again." She returned before walking away with swaying hips. Jayne watched her walk away unable to keep the predatory gleam out of his eyes. Oh yeah, that girl weren't goin nowhere.

**Our Boy**

Jayne maneuvered the four wheeler that had been dubbed the mini mule by Kaylee when Mal had upgraded to the big five seater, toward the crowded market place parking it in one of the designated spots on the edge of the open air market. Turning off the engine he stepped off the machine before turning and lifting River down. River smothered a grin at his instance at helping her down. She could easily climb on and off the small vehicle but she knew Jayne liked the excuse to touch her, almost as much as she did. River quickly led him into the maze of stalls toward the fresh food in the center. As they weaved their way deeper into the jumble of booths selling everything imaginable, Jayne found himself forced to step to the side for a Shepard herding a large group of children.

Stepping close to a booth selling toys, his shoulder brushed the over crowded surface sending a plush grey hippo tumbling. Instinctively his hand shot out grabbing the hippo mid-air, immediately dropping it again when a rude noise rent the air. Jayne managed to grab the toy just before it hit the ground the noise again filling the air. "Having a problem there Jayne?" River asked amusement in her voice as she turned toward him. "It weren't me, it was him." He defended pointing at the placid looking hippo in his hand. "The hippo?" she asked skeptically raising an eyebrow. Jayne let out a growl and dropped the hippo on the pile before turning to walk away.

He'd gone two steps when the noise once more rent the air followed by Rivers laughter. Jayne turned to look at the girl and saw her hugging the hippo with a delighted grin. "You were right, it's a farting hippo!" she said enthusiastically hugging the toy again causing the hippo to toot. River giggled, ridiculously amused by the toy. Jayne stepped back toward her, the corners of his mouth turning up amused by her enthusiasm for a toy he thought she'd be offended by. "He's so cute, look at that face and his studded collar. See it's squishy too, so you can hug him without worrying about getting poked." River pointed out before setting the hippo off again. Jayne chuckled, reaching out to softly tug the hippo's tail. "Ah, I see you've discovered the joys of the farting hippo. A rare breed sure to bring a smile to the sourest of faces." a man said appearing before them.

"He's adorable, how much?" River asked. "Twelve credits." He answered. River's smile dimmed as she loosened her hold on the toy and reluctantly put it back on the teetering pile of toys. "Ain't you gonna get 'im?" Jayne asked as she started to turn away from the booth. "I don't have enough. With everything I need to get I can't afford the hippo too. It's not a big deal, come on lets get moving." She said reasonably. "But you want 'im right?" Jayne asked. "I'd get him if I had enough, but since I don't it doesn't really matter. It's just a toy Jayne, don't worry about it." She assured him. Jayne frowned but followed her away from the booth.

Hours later after all the supplies had been acquired and put away, the ship refueled and a job secured River headed toward the bridge with Wash. She was settling into a role as co-pilot and gun-hand quite comfortably. She liked being able to help out, to truly be a part of the crew and pay her own way. River was finally regaining her independence. They moved onto the bridge, Wash settling into his seat and River heading for hers. Wash looked up at River's surprised gasp. "What is it?" he asked concerned. River didn't respond, she merely stood there staring down at the co-pilots chair. Wash stood and walked over to her, looking down at the seat to see a plush hippo wearing a spiked collar. "Where the hell did that come from?" he asked bemused. "I saw him when we were getting supplies. I wanted to buy him, but didn't have enough. I guess he followed me home." River explained softly, blushing lightly at Wash's knowing smile. "Really, well you do have to keep an eye on his type. They see a beautiful woman who smiles at them like you are and they'll do anything to keep seeing that smile. Hippo's can be tricky like that." Wash told her.

Late that night River found Jayne in the lounge thumbing through a magazine. She sat down next to him on the sofa curling up against him, her head on his shoulder and the hippo in her arms. "So what are we going to call him?" she asked after a moment. "We?" he asked looking down at her. "He's as much yours as he is mine. I figured we could share him and he needs a name. What about Octavius, we could call him Gus for short." She suggested. "Nah, that ain't no name for a strappin young hippo such as our boy here. Dandified core go se if you ask me. Needs a good solid name, like Bert." Jayne replied trying not to grin. "Bert, hmmm Bert the farting hippo. I like it, it suits him. Bert it is." River agreed snuggling closer to him tightening her grip on Bert causing him to agree. Jayne chuckled enjoying the feel of her pressed against his side, glad he'd been able to make her so happy with something so small. Best twelve credits he'd ever spent.

**Teasers**

River and Kaylee scurried onto the ship giggling happily, each toting a large shopping bag that buldged in odd ways. "Please tell me you two didn't spend all my money on parts." Mal moaned. "Nope, we spent all of my money on a surprise." River said grinning. Kaylee beamed at Mal and waved at Simon as they hurried up the stairs. The two men followed them to the galley only to have the door shut and locked in their faces. "Sorry Cap'n, but no peekin'." Kaylee said as she locked the door from the inside. All entrances were soon locked and any windows covered, even the ones in the ceiling. Jayne had been stubborn enough to put on a pair of magnetic boots and walk the hull to try and look in only to find himself looking at paper instead. It'd been hotter than hell up there in the late afternoon sun, and all he'd gotten for his trouble were weird looks and shouts from other people at the docks. "Should we be worried?" Wash asked wrapping an arm around Zoe's waist as she leaned against him. "No, I'm pretty sure they're in there cooking up a feast." Zoe replied.

Soon delicious, drool inducing scents began to waft through the air of the ship. The crew began to gather at the doors to the galley inhaling the heavenly smells, even Inara had been lured to join them. Finally the doors were opened and the crew stumbled into the room to see what the girls had been up to. The table was set and loaded down with food. River stood by her chair beaming proudly while Kaylee bounced to her seat. "What's all this little one?" Mal asked grinning. "A celebration, today is the Shepard's birthday so we are honoring his memory by giving the gift of food." River explained. "It were River's idea, I told her how when Shepard Book first came on board he brought fruit and veggies an helped me cook up a right feast. She was still in that box so didn't know bout it." Kaylee told them. "That's a real nice way to honor him." Zoe said smiling her approval. "We made fresh bao, butternut squash with walnuts, tomato and spinach salad, coconut crusted mahi mahi, and fresh bread." River said pointing out the different dishes as everyone took their seats. "And we made real lemonade too." Kaylee said pouring herself a glass from the pitcher on the table.

That night everyone told their favorite stories about Derrial Book and shared the warmth he'd freely given to their little family. Laughter rang through the halls and for a time they could almost hear him laughing along with them. "The look on his face when he realized why she was hiding, and I can still hear the surprised exasperation in his voice 'Is that it?' Book couldn't believe his hair looked that bad, I couldn't resist lookin him straight in the eye and replying 'Hell yes, preacher. If I didn't have stuff to get done, I'd be in there with her.'" Zoe related setting off another round of laughter. "Can't believe you ran screamin from Book's hair." Jayne chuckled nudging River's arm. "Sing me your song oh Hero of Canton, please?" she retorted batting her eyelashes at him comically. Simon and Mal stiffened waiting for Jayne's explosion of anger, but it didn't come. "You callin me your hero ni zi?" he asked with a leer. Simon stood abruptly and began collecting dishes his arm crossing in front of River preventing her from responding. "Subtle Simon." She said sliding her chair out before moving toward the pantry. "Don't no one go yet, we got a surprise for dessert." Kaylee revealed. "I wish you'd warned me mei mei, I'm not sure if I can eat another bite." Inara told her. The door opened and River came out holding a large tray filled with eight bowls and slid it onto the table. "Vanilla ice cream, cinnamon tossed apples and real whipped cream topping." She told them handing out bowls and spoons.

After everyone was served and the dirty dinner dishes carted away on the tray she'd used to bring out dessert River settled into her chair. Picking up her spoon River tucked into her dessert. As the first taste of the cold creamy dessert a delighted moan escaped River's throat. Jayne froze that the small sound of delight, blood rushing straight to his nethers. He ate mechanically, barely tasting the rare treat as he watched her eat. Jayne had never once considered watching a woman eat to be a sexifyin experience, but that were before he saw River wrap her pretty pink lips around that spoonful a ice cream and apple. She ate slowly, each bite savored as she licked and sucked at her spoon determined to enjoy every drop. The expression of bliss on her face and the happy noises coming from the back of her throat, along with the lusty way she enjoyed each mouthful left him painfully hard and totally focused on her. As the last bite of her dessert disappeared and she lowered her spoon to the now empty bowl licking her lips, Jayne had an overwhelming desire to pull her to him and kiss her senseless. To use his hands and mouth to wring those same noises of pleasure from her lips.

Everyone looked at him in surprise when he abruptly stood and left the room. "I'll be in my bunk." He said voice tight with tension as he left the room. "What was that about?" Mal asked puzzled by the other man's sudden change in demeanor. "I think I have an inkling." Wash said looking at River with a twinkle in his eyes. River's answering blush and mischievous smile told him that she knew exactly what she'd been doing to the other man and Wash fought the urge to laugh. "Care to share?" Mal prompted. River's eyes pleaded with him not to say anything so instead he stood taking his wife's hand. "Sorry Mal, but I need this woman to tear all my clothes off." Wash said tugging Zoe to her feet. "Work, work, work." She snarked gladly following him out of the room. River stood smiling. "Kaylee and I cooked, so I think you can clean." She said patting Simon on the shoulder as Kaylee stood as well. "Mal you should help, since it's your night anyway." Inara suggested as she rose to her feet and followed the other two out of the galley. "What the hell just happened?" Mal asked looking at Simon. "Jayne got horny and we got screwed." Simon replied grimly as he started clearing the table.

**Unexpected Turn**

A young man, core bred by his clothing, slowly walked through the Eavesdown docks looking for a transport to take him to Greenleaf. "You're gonna come with us." A bright voice said to his right. The young man looked over and saw a pretty woman in her twenties wearing overalls and twirling a bright paper parasol standing on the ramp of a ship. "Were you speaking to me?" he asked smiling up at her. "Sure was, where you headed?" she asked walking down the ramp toward him. "I'm looking for transportation to Greenleaf, I'll be teaching there." He replied. "See, I knew it. Greenleaf is one of our stops this trip. I'm Kaylee and this here is Serenity, best ship in the 'Verse." She told him proudly.  
"She doesn't look like much." He said skeptically. "She'll fool you'. Ever sailed in a firefly?" Kaylee asked. "No, I haven't." he replied honestly. "Well Serenity here is the smoothest ride from here to Boros for anyone who can pay." Kaylee boasted. "Alright you've sold me. My name is Colm Tamlin." He agreed introducing himself.

Mal maneuvered the mule into the bay and shut it down before hoping out. Zoe and Jayne both jumped down and began unloading their latest cargo from Badger. "Really don't get the appeal a these things, damn creepifyin if'n you ask me." Jayne commented. "Guess it's a good thing nobody asked you. Long as we get paid who cares why anyone would want a wobbly headed geisha doll." Mal retorted. Zoe hid a grin shoving the last crate into its hiding place and securing the hatch. Jayne secured the mule and hit the button to haul it up and out of the way. "Kaylee we got any passengers?" Mal wanted to know as she hit the button closing up the ship. "Sure thing Cap'n, we got three of 'em. A couple a newly weds headin back ta Boros after their honeymoon, that'd be Chase and Beth Ingalls. The other is a teacher headed for Greenleaf named Colm Tamlin. They're gettin settled." Kaylee told him tossing a bag of credits with the fares in it. "Good, give'm ten minutes after we break atmo then gather them for the standard welcome." Mal told her.

"You got it Cap'n." Kaylee agreed brightly and headed off toward the engine room. Jayne headed toward the lounge while Zoe followed Mal to the bridge. "We're all on board and our ill-gotten gains stored outta sight. Is our resident non-whoring companion back yet?" Mal asked coming onto the bridge where Wash and River sat. "Inara docked five minutes ago and we're all set for fuel. We can break atmo whenever you're ready." Wash replied. "Take us out of the world." Mal said. "Go for it kiddo." Wash said turning to River. "Shiny." She said taking hold of the controls. Five minutes later Serenity slipped out of Persephone's atmosphere smooth as silk and sailed into the black. "That was beautiful, I'm so proud." Wash said sniffling and brushing away a fake tear. "You're such a boob." River teased beaming nonetheless. "Good job lil albatross. Set us a course for Greenleaf then I want both of you in the bay for intros in ten." Mal said pride in his voice.

Ten minutes later Mal was standing at the top of the stairs in the cargo bay with the crew spread out on the catwalk to his right, looking down at the passengers standing on the bay floor below them with Kaylee. "Greetings and welcome to Serenity. I'm Captain Reynolds owner of this here boat and this is my motley crew. You all know little Kaylee our engineer, this here is Zoe my first mate and her husband Wash our pilot." Mal said indicating the two closest to him as Wash waved. "River our lil pixie in combat boots is our co-pilot, that hulking mountain is Jayne our public relations man." Mal paused to exchange smirking grins with Jayne.

"We're also lucky enough to have a doctor on board, Simon is available if any of you get to feelin poorly. Last but not least we are host to a registered Companion who is currently on sabbatical, Ms. Serra. If you need anything please let one of us know and we will be glad to help if we can. Meals are taken in the dining area, the kitchen is pretty much self-explanatory, you're welcome to eat what there is at any time. What there is, is pretty standard fare, I guess, protein in all the colors of the rainbow. We do have sit down meals, the next being at about 1800." Mal said looking toward River for confirmation. "Yes Sir, we have some fresh vegetables for salad tonight as a treat." She said looking back at Mal. "Ain't just salad though right?" Jayne asked softly. River shook her head no shooting him a grin as Mal dove back into his speech. "As I said, you're welcome to visit the dining area anytime. Apart from that, I have to ask you to stay in the passenger dorm while we're the air. The bridge, the engine room and the cargo bay are off limits without an escort. I figure you all got luggage you'll need to get into. After the meal Jayne and River'll bring any of you down here to fetch what you need. That's about it, you have any questions flag someone down. Kaylee'll show you back to passenger country." Mal finished.

Jayne followed the heavenly smells into the kitchen and found the table set with a huge bowl of fresh salad and lil crazy was just setting a large steaming pot near Mal's place so he'd be able to dish up once everyone was at the table. "What did you make that smells so good?" he asked drifting toward the table. "Pasta in tomato sauce, we have two loaves of garlic bread too. Here cut this one up while I get the other from the oven." She said placing the warm crispy loaf in front of him. Jayne grabbed a knife and started slicing the bread, depositing sections into the bread basket. River placed the second loaf on the counter to cool and took the now empty tray from Jayne placing it in the dishwasher. He put the knife by the cooling loaf before heading toward his seat. People began to trickle in as River brought a large pitcher of iced tea to the table. "Hey, this has real lemons in it!" Kaylee exclaimed excitedly as she slipped into her chair, the passengers taking the ones she indicated. Soon the table was full and Mal began to dish up the pasta as everyone helped themselves to salad and bread. "This is smellin mighty good. How is it you can cook up this fine meal and your brother here ruins add water noodles?" Mal asked sending a teasing grin toward Simon. "I used to ask to help in the kitchen. I was fascinated by the process of raw ingredients becoming wonderful dishes, Simon didn't care to learn." River said shrugging her shoulders. "'Magine that, something 3% ain't shiny at." Jayne snarked. "And when did you get your medical degree?" Simon replied. "Right after I shoved my boot up your…"

"Boys, are we going to have to send you to bed without supper?" Inara interrupted in a gently mocking tone. Simon ducked his head with a sheepish smile while Jayne did the mature thing and stuck his tongue out at Inara earning himself an exasperated smile. River's small hand came up and poked his tongue back in his mouth. "Don't stick your tongue out unless you plan to use it." River snarked. "That an offer?" he asked grinning with a leer. "Can you take me up on it?" she challenged back. "Alright tross, no baiting the animals." Mal broke in. "Tross, I thought your name was River?" Beth asked confused. "It's a nickname, an albatross is a kind of bird from Earth that was." Mal told the young woman. "Why a bird?" she asked curious. "There's a poem by a man named Samuel Taylor Coleridge called the Rime of the Ancient Mariner. In the poem the crew of an ocean vessel get lost in a frozen sea and an albatross leads them to safety. The Captain calls me that because he thinks of me as a good luck charm." River explained. As the words left her mouth River felt a bolt of annoyance from the young man sitting on her right. River began to eat, reaching out toward the teacher with her mind only to groan inwardly at what she found. He was annoyed because he thought that Mal's attachment might prevent him from seducing River.

Jayne sat on her other side and noticed that though she was eating, River's head was tilted toward the passenger and her eyes were unfocused a sure sign she was reading him. Because he was paying attention Jayne caught the flash of annoyance that crossed her face before she focused on her meal. "Something we need ta be worryin about?" he asked softly as he deliberately leaned over her to grab another piece of bread. River shook her head no and sent him a smirk. "Merely another who fancies himself a swimmer." River muttered back. Jayne sat back taking a bite of the tasty bread trying to work out her meaning. River stifled a giggle at the dark look on Jayne's face when he realized what she meant. "That piece of bread insult your mother or something Jayne?" Zoe asked with a smirk. "Huh?" he asked looking over at her confusion. "You're glaring at your bread like it did something to you." she clarified. "Jus' thinkin is all." He responded slipping a neutral expression on his face with practiced ease. "Well think on something happier, you're scarin folk." Mal told him. Jayne returned his attention to his dinner as conversations resumed, nobody seemed to notice when he hooked a foot around the leg of River's chair and slid her closer to his side, putting a little more distance between her and the passenger. After the meal the newly weds excused themselves. The rest sat around the table talking and when Kaylee produced a deck of cards readily agreed to a friendly game. After a few hands River stood stretching and walked to the fridge to retrieve a second pitcher of tea.

Putting the pitcher on the table she turned to get a long handled spoon to switch the lemon slices to the new one. Turning back to the table she saw Colm refilling glasses as Kaylee beamed thanking him. River stiffened as she saw his hand flash over the top of her glass and heard his thoughts as he gloated to himself. In a flash River bounded over the table and grabbed him, pinning Colm to the wall her hands on his throat. Chaos reigned for several seconds as people yelled in protest of her actions. "River stop!" Simon demanded as Kaylee whimper in distress. "I thought she was better, hasn't she been better?" Wash asked worried. "Tell me what it was." River demanded ignoring the others. "What?" he asked confused and scared as he tried to break free of the small woman's hold and couldn't. "You dropped something in my drink, what was it?" she growled. "He what?" Jayne asked dangerously. "Small white tablet, real quick as he refilled my glass. Wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't turned when I did." River explained. "Mei mei, even Jayne didn't see him do anything. You can't just attack because you think you saw something." Simon chastised. River glared back at her brother as a hand snapped down into one of Colm's pockets and came back with a small vial of white pills. She tossed the unmarked vial to Jayne then resettled her hand on his throat , the whole exchange lasting no more than seconds. Jayne wordlessly handed the vial to Simon who opened it and examined the contents. "RV680, originally developed as a sedative it was banned years ago for causing memory loss. It's now the rapists choice for making a victim docile." Simon told them tightly.

In seconds Zoe had her mares leg pointed at the now shaking man. "You're gonna let me cut on 'im right Cap'n , please tell me your gonna let me cut on 'im." Jayne growled. "Whatever grudge you have against your creator for inflicting you with a tiny prick doesn't give you the right to inflict it into the rest of us you sick fuck." River sneered before slamming her knee into his groin. Colm let out a strangled scream of pain as her knee hit home causing every man in the room to wince. River let go of his throat allowing the man to fall to the floor unconscious. "Please pass along my sympathies to the poor innocent doctor that is forced to touch you in order to remove your testicles from your sternum." River said before moving back toward the table.

Jayne swooned comically in front of her, staggering to his knees before taking her hands and beaming up at her. "Marry me? Darlin that was a ruttin thing a beauty an I will do anythin you say to keep seein you all hot an violent against those that deserve it for the rest a my days." Jayne declared dramatically wagging his eyebrows up at her hilariously. River erupted into giggles at his goofy behavior, effectively releasing the tension in the room and allowing the others to laugh along with her. "I thank you for your most kind offer good sir, however I would have some demands." She replied grinning. "Lay'em on me woman, my knees are achin on this metal floor." He grumped good naturedly. "Firstly you must agree to allowing me to burn your whoring shirt, allow me to wear the hat your mother knit you so I can feel the love, to remove all pornography from the walls, cease and desist all whoring and agree to attempt to be nice to Simon. Oh and let me draw you holding Vera, naked." River said the last word softly so only he could hear as the others laughed at her demands. Jayne released her hands and stood never taking his eyes off hers. He wasn't sure when they'd stopped joking, but they had and it didn't bother him. In fact it were sounding damn appealing.

"Ain't got the credits to get you no core style engagement ring or nothing." He warned. "I don't need or want one, it'd be impractical anyway. A large ring during hand to hand combat would be detrimental." River assured him. "Um…did I miss something? Are they really talking about this?" Wash asked hesitantly. Jayne frowned as something occurred to him. 'Never did say if she'd be sexin me or not.' He thought to himself. "Don't be a boob, of course I would, eagerly in fact." River commented having picked up on his thoughts. "Eagerly huh?" he said with a leer. River returned the look, crossing her arms under her chest and pressing her breasts upward. 'You ever been with a man before?' he thought at her. "Would that be a deal breaker?" she asked. "If'n the answer's yes then it don't matter, I ain't no hypocrite. If'n it's no, well that would call for a change a tactics but it certainly ain't no deal breaker." He replied. "Answer to what?" Kaylee asked confused. "You like the idea." River said surprised ignoring Kaylee's question. Jayne smiled at her, enjoying her surprise. "You know damned well I'm a selfish man." He replied. River tilted her head at him, reading how much he desired to be the only man to touch her and allowed a slow sensous smile to slide across her face. "The answer is no." she confirmed watching the spark of desire flare in his eyes. "Anyone else find this all manner of disturbing?" Mal asked. "So…you ain't getting hitched?" Kaylee asked confused and somewhat disappointed. "Of course they aren't, Jayne come on I need your help to get this man to the infirmary." Simon said breaking the spell. Jayne smirked at her before moving to help her brother. "No, chuck him in his room and lock it from the outside. I don't want him trying anything else." Mal ordered. "On it." Jayne said pulling the downed man to his feet and striding out of the room with him.

**Alignment**

Jayne couldn't sleep, he was still pissed about that hun dan trying to drug River earlier. Not only because someone had tried to hurt a member of the crew, which was bad enough, but because he didn't have claim to her in any way. Plus the bantering they'd done on terms they'd get hitched under had turned serious real quick. It made him all sorts of nervous that he would even consider marrying someone he hadn't even sexed yet, now he was outta the moment. Not to mention he was pretty damn sure he was half in love with her already and had no ruttin clue if she truly saw him as more than a friend or not. For all he knew she just saw him as a temporary bed partner, some one to show her the ropes and for once he actually wanted more than 'for now'. If he was going to have River it was going to be for a good long while, maybe even forever. Jayne sat up with a nod realising he'd made his decision, now he just needed to know how she felt about it. He stood and pulled on a shirt with his sleep pants and stuck his feet in his boots. In a moment he was up the ladder and heading toward the bridge where he saw her sitting in Wash's chair looking out at the black. Jayne strode onto the bridge and dropped into the co-pilots chair turning to face her.

River copied his movements, turning toward him a curious expression on her face. "Alright, I got somethin ta say an I'm only gonna do it once so you keep your mouth shut and ears open, dong ma?" he said internally wincing at the unintendedly sharp tone. River nodded not quite sure what to make of his odd behavior. "An just so you know I'm bein honest an all, I give you permission ta read anythin off me you gotta to see I'm tellin the truth." Jayne told her in a gentler tone. River stared at him wide eyed at this unprecidented invitation into his mind. "So it's like this. As much as I tried ta deny it we've had a…connection, since you popped outta that box. An since a few months before Miranda things have been changin 'tween us. I ain't never been a one woman kinda man, never did want a happily ever after outta some go se book. But you, you I want. An not just for sexin neither, though I ain't gonna pretend that ain't part of it. Now you may be a slightly cracked assasin that can kill me wit your pinkie, somethin that's all kinds a hot ta be honest, an maybe I'm a lecherous ole hun dan with an over appatite for guns, whiskey, violence an sex. Maybe it's cause we're both killers I can't get you outta my blood, prolly never will, don't wanna anymore neither. Now if'n you decide ta take me on you gotta know I don't share. I'm a jealous man darlin' an likely to punch out a man that done looks at you wrong. An I know once I get you I ain't lettin go for a good long while. Now I ain't sure about marryin or havin no kids or nothin, it ain't outta the question though. So that's what I'm wantin, I want to be wit you. So if'n I ain't what you want or you ain't ready for it we best go no further. It's up to you." Jayne said as quickly as he could before loosing his nerve.

River sat there for a good long minute blatantly reading him as he shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. After what seemed like an eternity she stood and walked to stand in front of him, Jayne turning the chair to face her as she moved. "Do you love me?" She asked softly. "Can't you just read it off me?" he asked shifting in his seat. "I need to hear you say it, words make the emotions real." River told him. "You ain't gonna make me say it then make fun a me or nothin right?" he asked suddenly unsure. "Don't be a boob." She said smiling softly. "Aw hell, course I do darlin." He confessed softly as he grabbed hold of her hips tugging her closer. River brought her hands up and ran teasing fingers over the contours of his face. "I made my choice a long time ago my wolf and it was you, it was always you." She told him. "So…that a yes? We're for real, no changin your mind?" he asked needing to hear her say it. "I'm yours Jayne Cobb, whether you like it or not." River told him leaning to down to brush her lips lightly over his. "Now take me to bed or lose me forever." She ordered teasingly. Jayne stood a grin spreading over his face. "Darlin, I'm gonna make you feel so good you ain't never gonna wanna leave." He said before leading the way toward his bunk. "Too late." He heard her say as she followed him.

**Romantical Go Se**

River sat at the kitchen table half heartedly eating her breakfast while trying to ignore Jayne and all the thoughts he kept sending her way. Six weeks ago he'd come to her on the bridge and asked her to be his. Told her he loved her, made love to her. Yet the next morning he'd urgently woken her telling her she had to get gone before they got caught. Later when she was more awake they had their first fight, she wanted to tell the crew and he didn't. The same fight they'd kept having. Which led to her breaking it off, refusing to lie, to be hidden. River'd told him that she wasn't willing to fuck him in the dark and hide everything they felt in the light of day. That she deserved better, he hadn't argued with. That had been a week ago. A week of sleepless nights and awkward days, for both of them. He'd taken to thinking things at her, about missing her and loving her but made no move to change the situation. "Something wrong River?" Zoe asked noticing her lethargy. "Just tried, I didn't sleep well." River replied with a sigh. "That's the third time this week, are you having nightmares?" Simon asked concerned. "No, nothing like that I just can't fall asleep." She answered. "I could give you something…" Simon began only to be cut off by his sister. "No! No more gorram drugs, I'd rather be a raving insomniac than go back to that." River declared. Standing abruptly she quickly crossed the room and dumped her bowl and spoon in the sink before heading for the door. "I just have to get over it on my own, not everything can be fixed with drugs. You can't fix what you didn't break." River said pausing to look back at her brother only to find her gaze caught on Jayne's eyes. She could hear his thoughts, how guilty he felt and still he didn't move. The impersonal mask never faltered. River squared her shoulders before nodding at him and leaving the room.

Over the next three days River found herself cornered by every member of the crew except the one she actually wanted to seek her out. They were all concerned, all ready to lend an ear but she couldn't tell them. Wouldn't betray Jayne's desire for silence or reveal her naiviety in dealing with him. After taking her shift on the bridge the fourth day, River returned to her bunk and found a capture laid out on her pillow. There was a note on top in Jayne's blocky hand reading : Play Me. River's heart began to pound as she slowly pressed the play button. The screen flickered to life and showed Jayne's empty bed. She could hear someone moving around then after a moment Jayne came into frame and sat down. From the angle of the capture it seemed as if he were looking right into her eyes. "So I ain't good wit this romantical go se but I figure I'd best give it a go if I'm wantin you to give me another shot. So um, yeah here's what I done come up with." He said reaching for something she couldn't see. A moment later he had his guitar in his lap and began to strum out a slow tune. Then to River's shock he started to sing, his blue eyes locked on hers from the small screen.

_Baby why you wanna cry?_

_You really oughta know that I_

_Just have to walk away sometimes_

_We're gonna do what lovers do_

_We're gonna have a fight or two_

_But I ain't ever changin' my mind_

_Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?_

_And I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere_

_Silly woman, come here, let me hold you_

_Have I told you lately?_

_I love you like crazy, girl_

_Wouldn't last a single day_

_I'd probably just fade away_

_Without you, I'd lose my mind_

_Before you ever came along_

_I was livin' life all wrong_

_Smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine_

Tears spilled down River's cheeks, her chest tight with emotion as his words wash over and through her. This was so unlike him, to put himself out there in such a way. He loved her, he had to or he never would have made this recording for her.

_Crazy, girl, don't you know that I love you?_

_And I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere_

_Silly woman, come here, let me hold you_

_Have I told you lately?_

_I love you like crazy, girl_

_Like crazy_

_Oh, Crazy girl_

Jayne slowly stopped playing, looking at the capture an expression of longing, exhaustion and cautious hope on his face. "I'll tell anyone anythin you want, to keep you bein my crazy girl. Don't care no more bout any damned consequences, just care bout you." He told her in as close to a pleading tone as a man as proud as Jayne could get. His face faded away as the recording ended and River felt a pang, the room suddenly seeming empty and lonely. Hitting the play button River restarted the recording, the smile never leaving her face.

Jayne stood in the cargo bay waiting for Mal to take his turn at horseshoes and trying not to think about River's reaction to his message. Her shift had ended almost an hour ago and he still hadn't seen hide nor hair of her. Jayne was trying not to worry about what that meant. "Jayne!" his name exploded across the cargo bay causing everyone to turn toward the other end of the bay. River stood there, her back straight and stiff, her face impassive but her eyes blazed fire. Jayne felt a shiver of fear and desire run down his spine as he gaped at her unable to form a cohesive thought. Before anyone could move or question her shout River was moving across the bay, running toward him, a pale and brown blur as she made a b-line for the frozen merc. She jumped into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist her arms going around his neck. Jayne stumbled back a step when she hit him full speed, his arms winding around her on instinct, catching her against him. He barely had a moment to look into her eyes before River was kissing him. Heedless of the sound of Mal shouting, of Simon's shrieks joining the din, Kaylee's whoop's of delight and all the other noises erupting around them Jayne's total focus was narrowed down to the woman in his arms. The beautiful, deadly, annyoing, passionate, creepyify'n, mind reading, crazy genius that had turned on parts of himself he thought long dead. His crazy girl, who was kissing him with everything she had, here in front of everyone muttering "I love you, I love you" between every kiss.

**Playing the Part**

The crew had just finished a mostly edible though not particularlly tasty dinner courtesy of Simon, when Mal leaned back in his chair. "Well folks, we got a WAVE from the twins just before dinner and it seems we got us a nice payin job. So we got some crime to discuss." Mal began. River leaned against Jayne, snuggling into his side watching Mal gear up. "So here's the deal, the outer rim moon Zephyr is pretty much one giant trinium mine. Everythings under ground, the towns, businesses, people, everything. Grounds crap, won't grow a thing so they import everything. Mines make so much coin the companies can afford it. No one sets down there less they're buyin trinium or bringin in cargo. Fanty and Mingo got a shipment of air filters for the mine, small job, legal and paltry as far as pay. But that just gets us docked. Real job is to infiltrate the underground town of Tauri and find our way to the shipping office. Sheriff's got a trinium vein he discovered under his house. It ain't connected to any owned by the mining companies but if he wants to get it off world to buyers he needs a ship. That's where we come in. Sheriffs wife runs the shipping office, cover is delivering the filters and taking on fuel cells. These mining towns are close knit and suspicious of strangers. Wouldn't be hard to shift extra boxes on and off the ship at the dock, but we're gonna be watched hard by these fella's. So we're gonna need a distraction. I was thinkin you two love birds could put on one of your sparrin matches, get the men into the fight." Mal said. Jayne bristled at the term love birds and shot Mal a nasty look before grinning smugly and pulling River closer his look clearly conveying 'you're just jealous cause I'm getting some an you ain't.' River caught Zoe's eye and subtly rolled her own, watching as a smile tugged at the corners of the older womans mouth. "I hate to disappoint you, but I don't think that's going to work here, sir." River said turning her attention to Mal. "An why not lil witch?" he asked frowning. "If they're that suspicious of strangers the overt display will just make them watch us harder. If you really want to distract them, don't send a couple to do a single woman's job." River said smirking.

"So that's who the boss got to replace Shinta on these supply runs huh?" Martin Cole asked looking over the old firefly landing not far from the shipping office. "Yup, some guy named Reynolds owns it. Never heard of him, did a cortex search found he used to be a browncoat." Dex answered looking up from the previous shifts security log. "My experince no such thing as an ex-browncoat." Martin said with a snort. "Yeah, should keep a close eye on these ones. Round up the boys, let's welcome the crew of the Serenity to Zephyr." Dex said heading out of the security office. A few minutes later Dex was leading five security guards over to the firefly. They could see a tall man in a long brown duster standing on the ramp of the ship with three crew members. There was a big guy in the back looking around with an amused expression, a stone faced woman with a bootlace necklace and a cute little thing with brown hair arguing with the man in the coat. She couldn't be more than 5'5, obviously long dark brown hair up in a messy bun, a tight sleeveless shirt showing off rounded curves and loose cargo pants hanging on her hips as though they might slip any second leading down to chunky boots. "Aw Cap'n that ain't fair, we finally set down some place wit decent folk after bein in the black for so long an I can't even go explorin?" she complained hands on her hips. The big guy seemed to be tryin not to laugh at the way she was standing toe to toe with the Captain. "Lil bit, I done told you we ain't stayin. We're droppin off this cargo and refuelin that's it. No time to be flittin around town. You can stay out here on the docks if you keep outta the way, but I don't wanna hear one more complaint dong ma?" the Captain replied. "Yes sir, Cap'n stick in the mud." She replied saluting irreverently before striding down the ramp clearly muttering to herself in annoyounce.

River stalked over to a group of discarded crates and kicked one before plopping down onto it with a pout. She was completely aware of the security men talking briefly to Mal before heading her way, to not only pump her for information but to flirt. "Howdy there, I'm Dex head of security round here and these fellas work with me. You crew on that firefly?" he asked. "Sure do, I'm Nara co-pilot of Serenity there. Nice ta meet you, sure is a neat dock you boys got. Some I seen are real luh suh, wouldn't be safe for a girl ta be away from the ship by herself." She said brightly doing her best Kaylee impression. "You been out in the black long darlin?" Dex asked as he and the others settled on crates to watch her and the goings on at the ship. "Hell no, just got my pilots license a year ago. This is my first job, my daddy weren't too thrilled but Cap'n Reynolds is real respectable so he just caved like a house a cards." River told them grinning. "Must be real exciting, they a good crew?" Dex asked. "Yup, like a big ole family. The Cap'n is kinda strict, looks on me as his mei mei. An the first mate there, that's her, she an our pilot are married, talkin about havin kids too. Like ta tease em that talkin ain't how you get'em." River said winking at a younger man with blonde hair to Dex's left. "What about the muscle there?" Dex asked with a chuckle. "Oh Jaynie, he's a big teddy bear. Got plenty a muscle ta move cargo around, decent at protectin the ship. Always handy at the marketplace, got that face he does ta get the scary man discount." River said laughing. All around her the men were relaxing, paying more attention to her and less to her crew mates. "Kinda sad really, coulda gone for him myself but ain't no one ever gonna compare ta his Ma. Dotes on her, it's real sweet but..." River trailed off with a wistful sigh seemingly oblivious to the amused glances the men were exchanging. Her eyes suddenly lit up with mischief. "You know he's got a little play thing he keeps in his bunk. Pretty little doll named Vera, after his Ma." She confided before letting out a peal of laughter.

Jayne tensed as River laughed loudly, the men joining in on whatever joke she just told. "Kinda creepifyin how much she can sound like Kaylee." Mal said as he carried a crate of filters off the ship. "Don't like her surrounded like that, them fellas are getting ideas I can feel it." Jayne grumbled. "Don't worry, anyone gets too forward she'll just rip his balls off. Kinda like she almost did to you." Zoe teased. They were starting to shift the trinium onto the ship now, hidden in the false bottoms of the fuel cell containers. As far as Jayne was concerned this job couldn't be over soon enough.

"So how did a pretty little thing like you come to be way out here?" Martin asked devising ways to keep the ship in port over night so he could have some fun with the girl that kept flirting with him. "Doin someone, I mean somethin I shouldn't a been." River said with a giggle, blushing convincingly. "Aw hell darlin, I gotta hear that story." One of the others encouraged. "Well I was back home on Shadow, an met this big blonde fella in town." She said winking at the blonde Martin. "We gets ta talkin and he tells me he's co-pilotin Serenity an offers me a tour. So we get on the ship, and he leads me up ta the bridge. Now I prolly shouldn't tell you fellas this, but in for a copper in for a pound, bein up on the bridge of a ship just gets me all kinds a tingly. So we start goin at each other, kissin an such. A'fore I even know it I'm naked as a jay bird an takin a spin in the pilots seat if'n you know what I mean." River said blushing even as she giggled. River internally rolled her eyes at how they were hanging on her every word oblivious to the illegal cargo being loaded literally behind their backs, it was ridiculous how easy this really was.

"Anywho, all of a sudden the proximity alarm goes off. Now the ships dirt side, docked and nothing near it as to set off the alarm like that. Well the boy freaks, practically throws me off 'im lookin ta find what's comin at us. On the ground. Not a lick a sense. So I just plunk myself down in the co-pilot seat and set about seein what the problem was. Turns out it was a simple short an I went about fixin it as I 'xplained the issue. Boy couldn't keep up, had no idea how ta fix a short on the console he worked at every gorram day." She said shaking her head in disgust. "So there I am doin his job better then him when in comes the Cap'n sees me an starts yellin, wantin ta know why there's a naked girl doin stuff ta his ship. Well I tugged my dress on fast as I could then 'xplained bout the alarm an how I fixed the short, showin him my work. He got the pilot up there right quick an had me go over it with him. So I went through it again showin the pilot what happened and tellin how any first year flight schooler woulda known ta do the same. Next thing I know the Cap'n and Obby are noddin at each other then the Cap'n looks at me and asks 'You ever fly one of these things?' Well I told him I was only six months outta flight school an hadn't gotten a job yet, was workin at my daddy's shop til I did. So he looks at me with this little smile an asks 'Do you wanna?' I tell you I just jumped at the chance. Had ta ask my daddy first, told him so and not ta leave without me an flew out the door. I was headin down the hall when I heard the poor dummy of an ex-employee askin why the Cap'n needed two co-pilots. I look back an can see Cap'n Reynolds lookin at him with a litle smirk sayin 'I don't, pack your stuff.' Poor guy looked so darn sad, he'd been humped outta a job good an proper and he never saw it comin. I'd a felt sorrier for him if'n he'd a been able ta make a girl fall proper like, but pilotin weren't the only thing he ain't no good at." She finished with another peal of laughter.

"Nara, we're all set here. Time to head up to the bridge an get ready to head out." Mal called. "Aw Cap'n, do we gotta?" River called back doing her best impression of a disappointed Kaylee. "Fraid so, lil bit." He returned grinning. "Well, boys it's been all kinds a fun but Cap'n Downer don't like bein dirt side too long." She said in a regretful tone as she stood. River waved at them with the appropriate amount of sadness in her expression and movements then started walking back toward the ship. Martin's hand shot out and grabbed her arm. "We could always find a security reason to delay the ship. Have a bit of fun." He offered grinning down at her. "Cap'n is right, we got another job waitin for us. Maybe next time." She said gently sliding her arm out of his grip highly aware of Jayne watching them. Martin grabbed her again pulling her closer. "Come on, you know you want to." He coaxed leering down at her. River sighed not bothering to hide it this time. "Stupid boy, should have given up at the first no. Now, now you get to meet Vera." She said in her own voice. Martin dropped her arm in shock at the sudden change and watched as River slipped away to stand by Jayne, who had Vera pointed right at the man's head. "Did I fail to mention that Vera is a Callahan fullbore autolock, customized trigger and double cartridge thourough-gage. His very favorite girl, other than me of course." River told them batting her eyelashes at them. "No one puts his hands on my girl." Jayne growled. "Not that it wasn't fun boys, goofin on you like that. A bit unfair maybe, almost too easy. Too bad you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. What can I say, gets mighty boring out in the black. We tend to find amusement where we can get it." River told them smiling. The men looked ready to charge when River darted her eyes toward Vera in a warning. "I wouldn't try it, he's a crack shot and putting your hands on an unwilling woman gives him every right in the verse to defend us should you attack. Right love?" she asked as they backed away toward Serenity. "That's right babydoll." He said smirking at the now frozen men. Seconds later the bay doors were closing cutting off the sound of their laughter.

**Mistakes**

Jayne followed Mal and Zoe wearily into the bar on whatever damned dust bowl rim moon they were on. The job had of course gone south and this time River hadn't been there to warn them thanks to Wash breaking his arm playing hoop ball. So she stayed behind in case they needed some fancy flying done. A fist fight had broken out during the transfer and Jayne had taken quite a few hits to his now sore ribs. All he wanted was a quiet drink and then to lay down with his girl. They lined up at the bar and ordered their drinks ready to relax. Jayne had just wrapped his hand around a glass of whiskey when he felt a hand trail down his back. Turning in surprise he saw Clara, a whore he used to frequent whenever they found themselves on Greenleaf. Which had been every other month for a while there. "Clara, what the hell are you doin here?" he asked surprised to see her. "Well, I won this here saloon in a lucky hand a poker a few months back. I gotta say you are a welcome sight Jayne Cobb." She said grinning up at him as she leaned in to rub her chest across his own. "Now Clara, don't take this the wrong way darlin but there ain't gonna be none a that. Things have changed you see, I got me a steady girl now." He told her as he gently but firmly set her away from himself. "You serious?" she asked throwing a skeptical glance at Zoe. "No!" he exclaimed looking at the first mate in alarm. "So what's the problem?" Clara asked reaching for him again. "Gorram it, I meant I'm serious about there bein a girl just not her. My girls back on the ship." He tried again holding out a hand to stop her from coming closer. "Jayne you ain't makin a bit a sense. What's it matter if'n you got a girl, we can still have a bit a fun. Don't mean nothin." Clara tried again.

"I ain't gonna go behind her back like that, don't got no need or desire to neither. My girls all I could ever want." Jayne told her in a low tone not wanting strangers to hear him get sappy. "You got a capture of this miracle worker?" Clara asked amused. Jayne shook his head, not wanting to admit he kept a small portable capture in his pocket whenever River wasn't with him off ship. "Oh yes you do." Clara teased her hand darting out and snaking into his pocket snagging the capture. "Hey!" Jayne protested trying to stop her unsuccessfully. "This her?" Clara asked looking at him skeptically. "Yeah, that's her." Jayne said proudly grinning down at the image of River sitting in the pilot seat a wicked grin on her face. "She's just a kid. Skinny little mouse wit too pale skin and huge eyes. You can't be serious." Clara complained. "Shut your mouth." Jayne growled snatching the capture back and shoving it in his pocket. "Now don't get mad." She soothed taking a step closer. "Nothin wrong wit getting comfort out in the black where you can. But your wit a real woman now, don't need to settle for some little girl. Come on Jayne you know your just achin for some nice round curves to fill your hands." She prodded. "You know what, even if I _were_ still sexing anything with a pulse, I would _always_ have something better to do with my time than **you**." He declared before knocking back his whiskey in one gulp and pushing away from the bar. "I'm headed back to the ship, you two can do whatever the hell you want. Me, I'm gonna go cuddle my girl." Jayne declared stalking toward the exit leaving Clara staring after him her mouth hanging open in shock. "Well don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven." Mal said slamming back his own drink before heading toward the door. "Because it hasn't." Zoe finished glaring coldly at the shocked woman before leaving as well. "What the gorram hell just happened?" they heard Clara exclaim as they headed toward the mule.

**Hi, I don't remember your name either.**

Simon moved through the market place eager to get the supplies he'd ordered and return to the ship. They were avoiding Badger again this trip to Persphone and he didn't want to be seen. Especially alone and unarmed. Not that he was a very good shot but if nothing else, he could try to be threatening. "Simon? Son is that you?" he heard a shocked and familiar voice call out. Simon froze just as he was about to enter the pharmacy, turning slowly toward the voice. "Father, Mother what are you doing here?" he asked weakly looking at his parents in shock. "We're on vacation, what are you doing here? Where's your sister?" his mother interogated stepping toward him. Simon held up his hand to stall their questions. "I'll explain everything, even take you to River but you must keep your questions until we get there. It's not safe to talk out in the open like this. Just wait here a moment so I can get some supplies that are waiting for me, then I'll take you to her." He said quickly. "Make it quick." Gabriel snapped glaring at his son. Simon ducked into the store and a few minutes later came out with a bag. "This way." He said heading toward the docks without looking back to see if they were following. "Slow down." Regan entreated her heels slapping on the ground as she struggled to keep up. Simon slowed his pace a bit, still aware that one of Badger's men could appear any moment.

Serenity came into view and he quickened his steps again, heading straight for the ramp where Kaylee was sitting waiting for passengers. "You're back." She said delighted jumping to her feet as Simon stepped onto the ramp. "Yes, yes I am." He said nervously looking back at his parents who were looking up at Serenity and Kaylee with avid disapproval. "I'm also not alone, where's River? And Mal?" he added as an after thought. "Everyone should still be in the bay, just finished loading the cargo." She said looking at the people behind him curiously. "Kaylee, these are my parents. I very unexpectedly ran into them at the market place. Mother, father this is Kaylee my…Kaylee." He trailed off not sure how to define his relationship. "Your folks? Oh, Jayne's gonna need a smoother." She said taking a step closer to Simon. "We will talk about…this later. Where's your sister?" Gabriel asked dismissing Kaylee. "She's inside." Simon said tightly as he defiantly took Kaylee's hand. "What exactly is this…ship?" Regan asked sniffing. "This here's Serenity she's a classcode 03-k64 firefly. My girls the best ship in the 'Verse." Kaylee answered proudly. "You actually paid money for this…ship? On purpose?" Regan asked disdainfully. "Serenity's the best thing flying." Kaylee replied hotly. "Mother, I advise you to stop insulting our home before you have a crew of angry people coming at you. Also Kaylee is our ships engineer, Captain Reynolds owns Serenity." Simon said before leading Kaylee into the cargo bay.

Zoe, Mal, Inara and Jayne were engaged in a game of horseshoes when they walked in. "Mal, can I speak to you a moment?" Simon asked placing the bag of medical supplies on a crate. "Never been able to stop you before, can't see how now'd be any different." Mal replied cheerfully turning toward him. "We got passengers?" he asked looking at Kaylee when he noticed the elder Tams standing hesitantly at the top of the ramp. "Actually that's what I needed to talk to you about." Simon said tugging on his ear uncomfortably. Mal hooked his thumbs in his suspenders, frowning at the docs discomfort. "You see I completely unexpectedly ran into…I had no idea they had ever left Osiris you understand. The last place I expected to see them was here." Simon hedged. "See who? Who in the gorram hell have you brought onto my ship?" Mal asked annoyed. "They're his parents." Kaylee broke in taking pity on her boyfriend. Zoe exchanged a look with Mal and slipped from the room.

"Parents?" Jayne growled taking a step forward glaring at the couple. The elder Tams shrank back from the large angry merc as Inara put a calming hand on his arm. "Jayne, this won't help." She said softly. Jayne looked at her for a moment before nodding and stepping back. Inara schooled her face into a polite if vauge smile and stepped toward the Tams. Regan looked over at Inara, her face brightening happily. "My darling girl, look at you. All grown up and finally acting like a proper lady. I have to admit I was quite worried your brother would undo all the wonderful work your school had done. We were getting such promising reports of your progress from your advisor." She gushed moving forward and taking the astonished Inara into a light hug, kissing her cheeks gently before stepping back beaming. "Gabriel isn't it wonderful, she can come home with us at once." Regan announced happily. "I must say, I'm just shocked at how well you've turned out River dear. You truly have the air of a lady now, those teachers must have been miracle workers. Too bad your over protective brother had to ruin it all for you. How good of you to stay with him all this time. Well no matter, all is forgiven children. We'll gather your things and head back to the hotel. We can look into booking passage on a suitable transport tomorrow." Gabriel declared. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood." Inara said stepping back shaken. "You'll say one more good thing about that damned school an I'll shoot you." Jayne growled just barely keeping himself in check. Gabriel frowned at first Inara then Jayne in confusion. "River don't be absurd, come here." He ordered. "Father that isn't River." Simon said exasperated. "Don't be ridiculous, of course it is, I know my own daughter when I see her." Regan replied. Mal snorted in dersion at her declaration. "Well actually you don't, cause that there ain't River." Mal said. "Yes there seems to be some confusion. My name is Inara Serra, I am a registered Companion not your daughter." She explained gently. "I don't understand, if you aren't River then where is she?" Gabriel asked frowning.

"Right here." She said coming down the stairs into the bay with Wash and Zoe. Mal stepped to Inara's side, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as the Tams looked up to see their daughter for the first time in years. Simon and Kaylee moved behind Mal several feet and to the right, moving away from the parents who were gaping at River as she stepped to Jaynes side in a similar position on Mal's left. Zoe and Wash stopped at the bottom of the steps, ready to back them up if need be. Gabriel stared at River unable to believe this was his daughter. The woman before him looked nothing like the girl he'd said good bye to. She was taller, with a womans shape and lightly muscled arms visible under the short sleeves of her green shirt, her cargos and the holster on her hips almost distracted him from the large combat boots on her feet. Her long brown hair swirled around her shoulders and down her back as she leaned against the large mans chest, his arms encirling her waist from behind. "River?" Regan questioned her voice shaking. "Yes mother?" she asked coldly placing her hands over Jayne's. Regan stepped forward her eyes narrowing at the pair. "River Tam you come away from that man this instant." She ordered practically spitting out the words. "Why?" River asked raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean, why?" Regan asked baffled at her attitude. "Was I not clear? Jayne?" River queried tilting her head back to look up at him. "Seemed clear to me." He answered amused. "Captain?" River asked turning her head toward Mal who was grinning at her. "Damn simple to my ears. Zoe?" Mal agreed before looking back to question his first mate. "Understood her completely sir." Zoe returned a smirk tugging at her lips as Wash snickered.

"Was there something specific you didn't understand about my query?" River asked looking back at her parents with supreme indifference on her face. "Alright River, that's quite enough. Come away from that man." Gabriel ordered sternly. "His name is Jayne and I have no desire to 'come' away from him." She said smirking wickedly. Jayne grinned against her hair, his blue eyes dancing with mirth. "What would an immature child like you know about desire?" Regan snapped. Jayne laughed, a lecherous grin spreading across his face as he widened his stance and tilted his hips firmly against her backside. River's face mirrored his expression as she drew breath to respond. "Not a word lil albatross. Remember the rules, I don't see it and I don't hear it." Mal warned grinning despite his words. "Yes sir, I will continue to keep my mouth to myself in your presence." River returned with a cheeky grin. "Less than five minutes and I've completely lost control of the situation." Simon muttered. "You were ever _in_ control of the situation?" Mal questioned turning toward Simon with a mocking smirk. "No really Mal, I insist. Snarkiness is exactly what this situation calls for." Simon said sarcastically. "Excellent." Mal agreed jovially as Simon tried very hard not to stick his tounge out at the Captain. "This must be what going mad feels like." Gabriel commented looking around at the crew in utter bewilderment. "Ta ma de, it's genetic." Zoe said deadpan causing the crew to erupt into laughter, even Simon.

"Well, well looks like we're crashin a party ain't we boys." Badger's voice suddenly sounded from behind them all. Everyone turned to look toward the ramp where Badger and five heavily armed men stood. "Curse his sudden but inevitable appearance." Wash said grinning. "Badger, what are you doing on my ship?" Mal asked neutrally as he stepped forward subtly herding the elder Tams behind him. "Still takin up wit Cobb love? You ever gonna give a real bloke a chance?" Badger called to River ignoring Mal's question. "You ever gonna get a clue?" she countered with a smirk. "I'll take anythin you wanna give me love." Badger grinned back. "You come here to flirt with my very taken co-pilot or you got some other purpose?" Mal asked coldly. "Back to business then eh? Alright then Reynolds, I been hearin a troublin rumor. Seems like you're takin on cargo what ain't mine. Thought we had this go se settled. Thought you understood, this is my home any business you wanna do goes through me." Badger said focusing on Mal. "You don't own us Badger, we take the work that comes our way. You got a problem with someone encroaching on your territory take it up with the ones that were doing the hiring. Let us not forget, that the last job you sent us on ended with your buyer turning on us and three of my people getting shot. Only reason Zoe ain't dead now is cause she wears armor. These little betrayals happen far too often when dealing with you. Now you gotta understand how a man might rethink his assocations with such happenings." Mal said with quiet intensity stepping closer to the other man.

"Dear God Simon, what have you gotten yourselves into?" Gabriel sputtered horrified. "Bi zu!" Mal ordered glaring at the man. "Doc you take them outta here, I ain't got time for no hand holding. Inara you and Kaylee, go with him. Wash, head on up to the bridge." Mal ordered. The crew quickly obeyed, Simon, Inara and Kaylee ushering the Tams toward the kitchen while Wash took off for the bridge. Zoe, River and Jayne took up positions behind Mal where they could cover the five thugs, each of them calmly sure that they could take Badger and his men even being two less. "Now Mal, it don't gotta go down this way. We've done good business in the past, don't do nothin stupid. I'll tell you what. You cut me in for my usual 20% of your profits and we'll call it even." Badger offered. Jayne sneered wanting to blow the slimey man's head off, but waited for Mal. "Fraid I can't do that Badger. I'll tell _you_ what. I'm willing to bet you don't know who it is that's cutting in on your business. I'll keep my profits, but in the interest of good business I'll tell you who my supplier is. Best offer you're gonna get here, so take it or leave it. Either way your getting off my ship in the next two minutes." Mal said.

Badger looked at Mal with something akin to respect in his eyes. "You got a deal, but this is the last time you come to Persphone wit out wavin me first." Badger agreed holding his hand out to Mal. "Agreed, but remember this, you cause my people hurt again and we're done." Mal replied. "Understood, the name if you please." Badger returned. "Kiera Song." Mal said shaking Badgers outstretched hand. "Nice ta see you all again, 'specailly you love." Badger said winking at River. River rolled her eyes smirking at the older man, he just loved to rile Jayne. Jayne strode over to River pulled her roughly into his arms and hauled her against him, capturing her mouth in a deep kiss. Badger stood frozen as the girl eagerly responded to the merc's rough handling of her. In seconds her arms were around his neck, her legs around his waist as they devoured each others mouths. When Jayne slammed them against the wall bringing moans of longing from them both Badger decided it was time to leave before all his fantasies about the girl were ruined. He wordlessly led his men off the boat leaving the groping couple to Reynolds' temper. "Alright Jayne, you made your point Badger's gone." Mal said as Zoe closed the bay doors. "Jayne…Jayne!" Mal yelled when the didn't separate. A great in take of breath was heard as they parted, Jayne stepping back from the wall letting River slide to her feet. "Sorry sir, got carried away." River said her legs shaking slightly. "Forget it, let's go deal with the flip side." He said gesturing toward the stairs. River squeezed Jayne's hand as she passed him, leading the way to kitchen. "Quick thinking with the name there sir, I'd feel bad if she hadn't screwed us over so bad last time we dealt with her." Zoe praised grinning as she followed Jayne and River up the steps. "Thank you Zoe, always nice to be appreciated." Mal returned smirking as he too headed toward the kitchen

They entered the room to find the others sitting around the long table as Wash entered from the other direction. "Criminals! My children have fallen in with criminals." Gabriel ranted. "Like you actually care." River scoffed crossing to where Inara had the tea kettle on the stove keeping it warm. "I beg your pardon?" Gabriel replied incredulous. "Beg all you like, you won't find absolution here." River returned making herself a cup of tea and adding a dash of whiskey. "Did you just put alcohol in your tea?" Regan asked horrified. "That's what you're chosing to focus on?" Simon asked frustrated. "As opposed to the fairy tale you've been spinning about evil academies performing human experiments and diabolical men with blue hands persuing you all over the universe to get your sister back. Your sister whom you claim was turned into a psychic assasin…by the government." Gabriel said in a deriding tone. River calmly walked over and knelt by the chair her father was sitting in at the end of the table. She wordlessly picked up his hand and guided his fingers into her hair. "Do you feel that? That little raised line?" she asked. "Yes, what it is?" he questioned frowning. "It's a scar from where they cut into my head. Go ahead, see how many you can find." She invited her shoulders tense.

Jayne watched concerned, he knew how much she didn't like to be touched. The only people she was completely comfortable with touching her were himself, Simon and Mal. Sure she wrestled playfully with Kaylee, had her hair brushed by Inara, was hugged by Wash and patted on the shoulder by Zoe, even so she was still somewhat uncomfortable with the interactions. Something he knew she wanted to keep hidden so she wouldn't hurt anyones feelings. Watching her closely Jayne leaned against the wall, ready to act if needed. River closed her eyes breathing deeply as her fathes hands roamed across her scalp, burrowing under her hair as he counted scars. Every instinct she had was telling her to shove him away, make him stop touching her but she knew it would be counter productive. She reached out toward Jayne with her mind taking comfort in his thoughts.

After several minutes her fathers hands dropped away from her head. She opened her eyes and stood, stepping back from him. "How many did you find?" she asked. "River, I really don't know what those things were. You could have been injured another way. It doesn't prove they did anything wrong." Gabriel defended. "How many?" she demanded harshly. "Twelve." He answered shortly. "You missed a few, Jayne found them all. Fifteen, there are fifteen scars from where those monsters sliced into my head, drilled into my skull and stripped away bits of brain. That isn't an exageration, or a lie or a game. It is in fact just the tip of the ruttin iceberg of what they did to me in that place. I was lucky to survive let alone regain my sanity. Simon saved me, and all you see is social disgrace. We deserved better from our parents." River told them angrily.

"You deserved? What about what your father and I deserved? Did we deserve to have a daughter who caused constant problems from the time she was nine months old when she started speaking in complete sentences and walking all in the same day? Did we deserve to have the son we devoted our lives to, to throw everything we'd ever done for him back in our faces to run off and play cowboy? Did we deserve armed federal officers searching our home, going through our correspondence, interigating our friends because our son decided to kidnap our daughter from school after assaulting several people while on school grounds? We gave you two everything! The best money could buy! What did we get in return? Our genius children decide to run off to the rim and use their grand IQ's to become criminals and rut with peasants." Regan ranted.

River stepped forward and slapped her mother across the face. "The next time you open your mouth against the people I love I'll shoot you. Nod if you understand." She hissed. Regan nodded, backing away cradling a hand to her cheek. "You're right, I was a difficult child. Head strong, independent and far too smart for my own good. And I'll grant you gave us everything money could buy, but what about what it can't? I have done everything you've ever asked me to do and still you've denied me the only thing I ever wanted." River trailed off a hurt expression creeping onto her face. "And what was that?" Regan asked. Finally they were getting somewhere, River wanted something from her. "What do you think? You're my mother, the only thing I ever wanted from you was love and acceptance. Did you ever love me at all?" River pleaded pain in her voice. Regan stared into her daughters eyes the haughty expression never flickering. "How can anyone love a pebble in their shoe?" Regan returned unrepentant.

"Mother!" Simon exclaimed horrified. "No, at least she's finally being honest with me. It's you they want back, not me never me." River said a bitter edge to her voice. "River, you know I'd never… mei mei I love you." Simon told her. "I know ge ge, I love you too. You are one of the few things in this 'verse that makes me think the Shepard may have been right about there being a merciful god." River assured him not wanting her brother to think her bitter anger was directed at him. "What kinda mother are you? Sayin something like that to your own daughter?" Kaylee demanded angrily. "This doesn't concern you. I will not be questioned by some rim born floosie who thinks she's going to get rich off my son." Regan said scornfully. For a second no one moved then chaos reigned as Kaylee balled up her fist and punched Regan square in the nose. In the next moments Gabriel jumped toward Kaylee only to find his way blocked by Simon, and Regan fell to the floor moaning in pain. Jayne was laughing, Mal was shouting for everyone to stop while Zoe pointed her gun at Gabriel in case he tried to finish his attack. Wash and Inara were trying to calm everyone down and in the middle of it River stared at her crying mother in shock.

"River, it doesn't have to end like this. You can both come home, you can't be happy out here living hand to mouth. You don't have to go back to school if you don't wish it. We can find you a proper husband." Gabriel offered his eyes never straying from the barrel of Zoe's gun. "You have nothing I want. I'm happy here on Serenity with a family that loves me exactly as I am, even the crazy parts." River replied still looking at her bleeding mother. "You haven't changed a bit. Stubborn, wilful to a fault." he all but snarled moving toward her. "You will maintain your distance, sir." River ordered her arm suddenly rising with a gun in her hand causing him to freeze. River walked toward her whimpering mother her weapon never wavering from her fathers forehead and crouched in front of her looking into the older woman's eyes. "I want you to know that this is the moment where you lost your children forever. I want you to understand exactly what it is you have done this day." River told her in the sudden quiet of the room as all other activity stopped. "You're going to kill us, aren't you?" Regan asked fearfully.

"You sent me away, happy to see me go. Confident that the school would turn me into a proper young woman. It was run by the government after all. I was happy to go, happy to learn, happy to make you happy. They cracked my skull, cut apart my brain, shattered my sanity and defiled my body all in an effort to create a perfect world for themselves. I begged for help, tried to escape, fought with every bit of strength I never knew I had until I was a mess of unrecognizable parts pasted hastily back together, trying to cover the monster they wanted to force into my skin. But you didn't want to know, didn't want to hear it. You ignored my pleas and abandoned Simon, all but denying we ever existed when we were declared criminals. You invade our home, upset our true family and think you still hold all the power. Know this, no power in the verse would ever be enough to bring either of us back to your side. If the entire Alliance, a planet filled with corpses and a room full of blood thirsty reavers couldn't make us run screaming back to the core do you honestly think the promise of some money and a pat on the head will? As far as whether you will leave this ship without further injury that depends entirely on the good graces of our real father." River told her mother instensly before holstering her gun, standing and moving away a few steps. "I'm all for kicking them off after we break atmo, unless there's some reason I shouldn't albatross." Mal said looking at River with pride in his eyes. "All I ask, is that you show them the same courtesy that they have bestowed upon me." She replied smiling back at Mal.

The desk clerk at the Olympus hotel, the finest hotel on all of Persephone, looked up as a delivery man wheeled a large crate up to the desk. "Sir, deliveries are to be made around back at the loading dock." The clerk told him. "Sorry, I have precise instructions to deliver this directly to the front desk. You want it hauled out back feel free to do it yourself." He said scanning the packing label and walking away. "Hey! Come back here, you can't just leave this here!" the clerk called after the delivery man as he came from behind the desk intent on running after the man when a beep, a click and a hiss made him turn toward the crate. The lid was slowly opening with some sort of mist seeping out. Hitting the silent alarm he motioned for the security guard to come closer when the lid sudden flew open and two people popped up, naked and screaming.


End file.
